Second Choice
by GirlOnTheSidelines
Summary: Eloise Macmillan always knew she would come second best in the eyes of James Potter but this did not stop her loving him. When she witnesses the boy she loves fall for another girl and then have his heart broken their friendship continues to blossoms until only one thing stands in their way: will James' first love ever really let him go?
1. End of Term Feast

**I**

**The End of Term Feast**

**_April 2022_**

The sun trickles down through the new leaves and the dappled light makes the world softer. I love the forest, with its peacefulness and serenity. No one ever comes here; it is a place where I can be totally alone with my thoughts: my thoughts of James.

I remember when we were in our first year, James had been in my Charms class and Professor Flitwick had been teaching us Wingardium Leviosa and poor Martha Finnigan had blown up the feather in her face… James and I had laughed so hard Flitwick sent us out of the room to calm down. A few months later, James and Martha were 'going out,' little did anyone know then that it was to be the first of a long line of girlfriends for James Sirius Potter. He never stayed with anyone for very long (the longest being five weeks with Anna Thomas, but that was over the summer and they hardly saw each other) and he never seemed to get to emotionally involved with any of them. Some people call him a player but quite frankly, if he is having fun then let him be – all the girls know he is not 'serious relationship material' and if they don't then they are simply too stupid to bother with.

We have been friend ever since our first year, he makes me laugh and everything seems so much brighter when he is around. It was not until the 8th June 2019 that I realised I was in love with him. We had just come back from the last Hogsmeade trip of the year and the sun was shining down on us, James, being the dumbass that he is, decided it was warm enough to swim in the Black Lake. He just stripped off to his boxers then and there and ran mindlessly into the water; I will never forget his face. Although it was June, the Black Lake was close to freezing (as it always is throughout the year) but James had forgotten this and dove head first into the water. He came up spluttering for air and ran – tripping over weeds – back to the shore. I remember the way he shook his head, sending drops of water flying off into the fading sunlight… he looked like some ancient Greek god emerging from the depths… wearing blue stripped boxers.

However, it was not until he said 'Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts, it is cold!' that I knew I loved him. I have never told him this though, that would just be plain stupid. There was no point anyway, trying to make James Potter love you was like trying to convince a wizard there is no such thing as magic: it is impossible. I know he has the capacity to love, his heart is a big as any I have ever come across but he tries to give everyone a little piece so there is never any left over for just one special girl. One day, perhaps, he will finally learn what it is like to be in love, to really be in love.

As the sun sinks below the rim of trees, I sigh and get up. Dinner will be on the tables soon and despite having a rather large lunch, I am hungry. As I settle down at the Hufflepuff table, I see James across the Hall, he smiles at me and I smile back – for now, I am content to have him as a friend. He turns back to an animated conversation with his little brother, Al. I have never really spoken to Al before; he always comes across as a bit distant, as if there are pressing matters on his mind that he has to deal with. James' sister on the other hand, I talk to all the time. She is in her third year now but when she first came to Hogwarts, I found her crying in the lavatories because someone had called her names, I at once felt protective over her and we have been friends ever since.

I suppose you could say I have a very normal life, nothing of much consequence happens to me, my father is good friends with my Herbology teachers wife and I am best friend with his daughter but that is about the most interesting thing I can think of. Oh and my parents went to school with Harry Potter of course but then again so did lots of peoples' parents.

"Eloise," someone calls. I look up into the smiling face of Alice Longbottom.

"Hey, Alice," I smile back as she sits down. "How was Care of Magical Creatures?"

"Fine thanks, Hagrid let us ride the Thestrals today – weirdest experience of my life!" Alice exclaimed between mouthfuls of chicken. Of course riding Thestrals would be weird – you cannot see them, they can only be seen by those who have seen death and as far as I am aware, none of the students in the school can see them (although the majority of the teachers can as they were involved in the Second Wizarding War).

"Wow, sure beats Charms today, Flitwick made us write a four foot essay as a punishment for laughing at him fall of his pile of books!" Yes, Professor Flitwick stands on a pile of books to make him look taller and when he falls off – which he occasionally does – we cannot help but laugh.

Students continue to crowd into the Hall, it is the end of term feast so everyone is here. At last the Headmaster stands up and the Hall falls quiet as everyone turns to face him. The usual speeches are made and the food appears – plenty of it… vegetables of all shapes and sizes; at least five different types of potatoes; an assortment of meats and jugs of pumpkin juice. At Hogwarts you can be many things but hungry is never one of them. It seems weird to think I only have one more end of term feast to go before I finish school, I haven't even decided what I am going to do then.

Alice (as always) eats at least a little bit of everything on the table, stuffing her face and washing it all down with pumpkin juice. I glare at her: how can she eat so much and still be so thin? I gave up a long time ago in my fruitless attempts to diet – food is just too good not to be eaten – and as a result I have a nice cushion around my waist line. I am not really that bothered, being beautiful has never been high on my list of priorities.

The plates vanish and are replaced by heaps of puddings and sweet things. I always think conversation on the Hufflepuff table flows best out of the four houses: Gryffindors just shout over each other; Ravenclaws always seem reserved and only talk to those directly beside them and Slytherins spend most of the meal shoot glares at the other tables, only opening their mouths to insult. Hufflepuffs are by far the happiest house, there is very little drama and everyone gets on with everyone. I will definitely miss the closeness of my house next year.

By the time we get back to the dormitories it is almost midnight, Alice collapses onto her bed and is asleep within minutes. I remove her shoes and pull her duvet up over her and close the curtains. Sally Finch-Fletchley and Amanda Smith are curled up on Sally's bed whispering about everything and nothing while Frankie Rivers hastily finishes her packing. Too tired to gossip and already packed I change into my pyjamas and curl up in my bed waiting for sleep to find me.

"Eloise Macmillan! Get your lazy ass out of bed this second!" Alice screams in my ear as I roll over and burry my head under my pillow – I never was a morning person what makes Alice think anything has changed? "Potter is waiting for you…" she has quit shouting and I turn to look at her, blinking sleep out of my eyes.

"Huh?"

"Ha, I knew that would get your attention," she grins smugly. "Still haven't got over your silly crush on him have you?" I throw a pillow at her which she dodges and sticks out her tongue.

"I do not have a crush on James Potter," I sigh for the billionth time. The sad thing is: she believes me. She honestly doesn't think I actually fancy James; I never bother to correct her. Well now that I am awake I might as well get up.

Alice smirks as I pull my blonde hair back into its trademark bun – she hates it, saying that if she had such 'awesome' hair she would want to show it off every day not restrain it is an old fashioned bun. I hurry downstairs to find Alice was not actually lying this time – James is waiting just outside the entrance to our common room looking bored.

"Alright El?" I glare at him, I hate being called 'El' and he knows it. Of course, James being James just grins.

"Not bad, Potter," I retort, he looks pained, he hates being called Potter. No one really knows why, they think that being the son of one of the most famous wizards of the age is fantastic but I think James gets tired of living in his father's shadow – not that Mr Potter intentionally casts it over James but it kind of comes with being famous I guess.

"So… you going to the Ministry Ball at the end of the holidays?"

"That depends… What is it in honour off?" I ask even though I know exactly what it is for. He pulls a face and does answer. "Of course I'm coming," I nudge him affectionately. Despite the fact I am secretly in love with him, me and James are actually very good friends, Alice doesn't get it – she thinks there must be something wrong with me to spends so much time with 'that gorgeous hunk of ass' and not want to shag him. Of course Alice knows full well that I don't just 'shag' anyone, in fact I have never just 'shagged' anyone. Yep, I am the seventeen year old virgin. To be honest I do not really mind, unlike some people in my year, I am a virgin through choice.

"Earth to Eloise…" James waves his hand in front of my face dragging me out of my thoughts. "Have you been listening to a word I said?"

"Uh… nope," I smile like a child with their hand in the cookie jar. He rolls his eyes.

"I said… my family are having a small party for Lily's birthday, she wants to know if you want to come."

"Sure, when is it?" he sighs in exasperation.

"The day after the Ministry thingy… At like four?"

"Yeah, sure." We have reached the Great Hall and he attempts to ruffle my hair (to no success as I duck out of the way) before heading over to the Gryffindor table and I go to the neighbouring Hufflepuff table for the last meal of term – breakfast. Great, two days out of the holidays when I can see James, I smile to myself as I sit down.


	2. Parties and Announcements

**II**

**Parties and Announcements**

**_April 2022_**

"I wish the dancing would start already," Alice whispers half way through Mr Potter's speech, I wish she would shut up and listen – I love his speeches, he is not flamboyant like most famous people and I think that given the choice he would never have chosen to be famous… But of course he never did have the choice which, ironically, makes him a more likeably celebrity.

Standing behind Mr Potter is his family, James is grinning down at the people in the front row and I can see he loves the limelight (unlike his brother and sister who are standing further back in the shadows). Poor Lily, she is having a rough time of it at the moment – she hates public attention almost as much as her brother Albus. I catch James' eye and he winks at me before shifting his gaze back to someone else. My heart flutters.

Mr Potter finishes his speech to a round of applause and the music starts. Within seconds, Alice has found herself a dance partner as is spinning around the dance floor. I watch as people continue to twirl by me until a hand comes to halt in front of me.

"Care for a dance, Miss Macmillan?" I grin and take James' hand; he pulls me up and into his arms. "So how are you enjoying the festives so far, Miss Macmillan?" there is a familiar gleam in his eye as he ask me questions in a mock polite tone.

"Very well, Mr Potter," I retort.

"I hope you do not mind if I abandon you for the next dance? There is someone I feel I should talk to."

"Oh is that so? And who would this 'someone' be? Not one of those Veela women over there I hope," I gasp in fake horror – James loves to flirt with Veela women and quite often he is successful.

"No, sadly not…" he sighs. "No this is a particular girl who has been causing a fair bit of tension in my family over the holidays."

"Really? Who?" I ask surprised, I cannot imagine the Potter family tense at all.

"You see the black haired girl standing by herself over there," he indicates with his head and I spot the girl he means. She is an unusual girl, with long black hair piled onto her head with ringlets escaping all over the place; her skin is ivory pale and seems to shine like moonlight; she is wearing a dark emerald dress that clings to her perfect figure… Once you look at her you realise she is beautiful but she is not the kind of girl who your eyes are immediately attracted to, she has a subtle, mysterious beauty…

"Yeah?"

"Well that's Vivian Nott, she is a Slytherin in Al's year, she is the son of a Death Eater…" I frown, James is really rather prejudice towards Slytherins, especially those connected to Death Eaters, why on earth would he want to talk to her? "Al claims to be in love with her." Ah, there is the answer to my question.

"In love with her?"

"Yep, I have tried to convince him she's not worth it but he won't listen, he says that if I knew her I would understand." James shrugs. "Dad tells us Al is entitled to like whoever he chooses but mum is less certain – she doesn't like Slytherins either."

"How do your parents know?" James gives a cheeky grin. "James… Please tell me you didn't tell them, no wonder Albus gets annoyed with you if you go and tell your parents everything." I roll my eyes at him – it is such a James thing to do, tell his parents Albus' secrets.

"It just slipped out… So anyway, I'm going to talk to her to discover what all the fuss is about."

"James, is it really your place…?"

"'Loise, Al slept with her!" he whispers. "Al doesn't just sleep with people!" Oh Merlin, looks like Albus has landed himself in trouble – any girl he sleeps with (which admittedly is not very many) is immediately interrogated by James, it is amazing Albus still tells James anything. I roll my eyes again and he kisses my cheek, causing my heart to flutter again. "You're the best Eloise."

James walks off and I see him approach the poor girl, she has no idea what is about to hit her. James holds out his hand and the girl takes it. He leads her onto the dance floor. He never said anything about dancing. Apprehension grips my heart. I tell myself not to be stupid – James dances with lots of girls, it makes it even easier for him to talk to them… But the apprehension will not let go.

I watch as James spins the girl around the dance floor, his eyes never leaving her face. He disappears for a moment behind a rather large couple and when I catch I glimpse of his messy black hair he has suddenly acquired a new dance partner – his cousin Lucy. Relief floods through me and I kick myself for being ridiculous, James doesn't fancy Slytherins, he never has and he never will.

"Would you like to dance?" Louis asks, pulling my attention away from James.

"Sure," I grin up at him. Taking his hand we merge into the throng of dancers, Louis Weasley is in my year, him and James are very good friends so I know him quite well despite the fact he is in Gryffindor and I am in Hufflepuff. According to James, Louis takes after his father, Bill Weasley, rather than his part Veela mother, personally, I can see the Veela in him. He moves with a grace and elegance not usually found in the male species and his red hair shimmers in the light. Basically, he is very handsome and is the second most saught after boy in our year, after James of course.

"You look very pretty, Eloise, I don't think I have seen you so dressed up before."

"Urgh, there is a reason for that…" I roll my eyes at him and his mouth curves into the lopsided smile that causes most girls to go weak at the knees. "How's Isabella?" Isabella Boot is Louis' on and off girlfriends, as a Ravenclaw I do not know her very well but she seems like a nice enough girl.

"She's fine; she has gone to France for the holidays." The song changes and partners shift, Louis keeps hold me though and begins to spin me around again. We chat about little things, enjoying the freedom of the music. Suddenly, Louis raises an eyebrow. "Looks like my dear cousin is going to get himself in trouble if he's not careful…"

"Why?"

"I think he just took Malfoy's dance partner off him," Louis frowns, clearly not impressed with his cousin's manners – Louis is renowned for his impeccable manners. "Really James," he says disapprovingly. "Do you know who the girl is?" Louis spins around to let me have clearer look at James and his stolen partner. I frown.

"Nott, Vivian Nott – she's a Slytherin."

"Really?" Louis sounds surprised; James is not exactly the kind of person who just picks up Slytherins. I nod, Louis must sense my disapproval. "Well, I guess it is a start, although by the looks of it he just did it to piss off Malfoy," he smiles, trying to wipe off the frown creasing my forehead. If anyone would be to guess how I really feel about James Potter, it would be Louis – he is one of the most intuitive people I know and coming from Hufflepuff, that is saying something.

The dance comes to and end and with it the Potters take their leave, James just followed his parents out which is unusual for him, he is normally running around making last minute goodbyes and chatting up a girl or two. Oh well, at least I will see him tomorrow.

Godric's Hollow is a small village, despites its famous inhabitants (both past and present) very few people know where it is and the people living here like to keep it that way. I have been here before, James invited me a couple of summers back and Lily loves it when I come to her parties so I am familiar with the route. As I walk into the village (having apparated a little outside the village due to the anti-apparition spells surrounding Godric's Hollow) I see several muggle children running up the lane, screaming as they throw little balls that explode when they hit their target, covering them in water – muggles have weird hobbies.

As the population of the village is half muggle, half magical, I do not get the weird looks that I get if I were to say, walk through muggle-London. My robes are a common sight to the muggles here and they seemed to have accepted that there is something different about their neighbours.

"Eloise!" Lily squeals when she sees me approaching their house, she is leaning against the gate, clearly waiting for her guests to arrive. "At last, you're the last one, well except for the Scamanders but they are always late." She throws the gate open to let me and I follow her put to her house, behind the back of the Potters small cottage they have an small field which is currently filled with redheads and their families. All of Lily's uncles appear to be here, with their wives and children, I can just make out Louis chatting away to Molly Weasley, I can see Professor Longbottom and his wife, Hannah, which means Alice will be around here somewhere, Lily's grandparents, Arthur and Molly and, of course, Ted Lupin's usual turquoise hair sticking out from the rest.

"Alright there stranger?" my poor, unsuspecting heart gives a little lurch: James is leaning against the doorframe behind me looking terribly attractive. Sweet Merlin, do not let me become a member of his drooling fan-club.

"Not bad thanks, stalker," I smile at him coyly. "Enjoy your party last night?"

"I did actually…" he looks like he wants to say more but cannot find the words.

At that moment, Albus appears behind him. He glares at his older brother in disgust and turns on his heel to march away. Before I can ask James what he did to upset his little brother like that, the Scamanders arrive at last and Mrs Potter shoves everyone out of the house and towards the lengthy table in the middle of the field. I take a seat between James and Alice, who comes bouncing up to me, full of gossip about last night Ministry do. Mrs Potter is an amazing cook, something she apparently inherited from her mother, and the table is soon covered in dishes of all shapes and sizes.

"Your mother could give the Hogwarts House Elves a run for their money…" I mutter to James, unfortunately his Aunt Hermione, who is sitting across from us, hears me too and begins a lecture on how House Elves do not have any money to run for, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera… I am sure she is a nice lady but really? The House Elves love to work, they take pride in it, so long as they are treated well they do not want to be paid.

Instead of listening to her (I know it is rude but not as rude as some of the things I fear might come out of my mouth if I do listen to her) I look up and down the table. At the head is Lily in the place of honour, looking so much older than fourteen; on her right is her father who looks blissfully happy to have his small field bursting with people; next to him is his Ron Weasley; followed by Fred (who I think is still not on speaking terms with his father for some reason); then Charlie Weasley, who is scarred and burned due to his work with dragons; beside him is Hugo who is gazing at Charlie in adoration, the two of them are in deep conversation with Rolf Scamander, his eight year old son Lorcan and Bill Weasley, discussing dragons and other amazing creatures I have never had the privilege to see. Next to Hugo is his cousin Dominque who appears to be solely focused on the man beside her: Frank Longbottom… well that is a couple I never saw in the making. Next to Frank is Louis, chatting across the table to Lysander Scamander; then Molly, talking animatedly with a guy I recognise as a past Ravenclaw, I think is name is Moon, Luke Moon perhaps. Next is Hermione, still going on about Elven rights; then a tight lipped woman who I take is Percy Weasley's wife, Audrey who is actually listening to Hermione (albeit with a frown of disapproval on her face – although that might be permanent); next are Roxanne's parents, George and Angelina, both looking tired and drawn out; Lily's grandfather, Arthur Weasley, talking excitedly with Albus (who shoots the occasional glare at James) about muggle inventions; lastly Neville Longbottom talking to Ginny Potter who is at the opposite end of the table from her daughter, they are both chatting away with Luna Scamander about the 'good old days' when they were at Hogwarts, leading Dumbledore's Army while Harry, Ron and Hermione where off hunting something… Next to Mrs Scamander is Lily's grandmother, Molly, who looks relieved at not having to cater for the extended family this time but at the same time, extremely proud of her daughter for managing it. Beside her is Percy Weasley, looking boring, then Roxanne and Rose, whispering about the drama of last night; then Alice, me and James, followed by Lucy Weasley, who keeps staring at her sister Molly and the Moon boy; Lysander is now gazing at something no one else can see, beside him is Alice's mum, Hannah Longbottom, who is talking quietly to Fleur Weasley who in turn is describing something with a look of excitement on her perfect face – seriously, she is part Veela – then her husband Bill, Lysander's twin, Lorcan and his father Rolf, with Ted Lupin and his turquoise hair sitting next to Lily's oldest and favourite cousin, Victoire… I am almost certain they are holding hands under the table.

Wow, thirty six people around one table; that is impressive even for magical standards.

"Oi, Macmillan, she has stopped now," Alice hisses at me, booting me under the table. I look around to see Hermione has indeed stopped talking and is now looking at the head of the table where Lily has stood up. Bless her, she hates being the centre of attention.

"Uh, thanks for all coming, please, dig in," she says awkwardly, I smile kindly at her and she rolls her eyes back – she also hates showing her weaknesses. Everyone scrambles for the food, literally, if you want food at a table full of Weasleys you have to fight for it. Lysander looks taken aback and on the verge of tears when he sees there is no food left for him, thankfully, Louis has spotted this too and is giving him some of his own chicken and potatoes.

"So, you going to tell me why you enjoyed last night or am I going to have to guess?" I raise an eyebrow at James while Alice is distracted with gossip from Rose and Roxanne. "And why is your brother mad at you?" I really hope those two questions are not linked.

"Well, it was good and it was bad… It was good at the time but now that I think about it maybe what I did was wrong," he mutters gloomily – James is never gloomy: it really must have been bad. "You know I talked to Viv?" he starts, I nod, on nicknames already James? That's quick even for you. "Well, Al was right, once I spoke to hear I understood how he felt exactly. I have never met someone like her, El, she is beautiful, smart, funny (even if she doesn't try to be) and she just makes me feel… complete." For once I do not snap at him for calling me 'El' instead I just stare at him. This cannot be happening. "The first time I danced with her, I knew she was something specially, something I have never come across before… I couldn't keep away, my eyes just kept drifting back to her, when I saw her dancing with someone else-"

"-Scorpius Malfoy-"

"-I just couldn't help it, I was jealous and I took her from him. She didn't protest but I couldn't tell if she was happy about it, she seemed pissed off I 'dumped' her on Al, I did that because I thought they needed to talk but…" really, James means well but he sometimes has a funny way of going about it. "I kissed her El."

Fuck.

Excuse my language but fuck. He cannot be serious: she is a Slytherin, the daughter of a Death Eater, friends with a Malfoy and his brother slept with her! What the hell was James thinking?

"I- I think I might be falling for her El… badly." I just stare at him, the food on my plate as forgotten as the people around me. James doesn't fall for anyone, he just doesn't, he likes them, uses them and drops them. He does not fall for them. "Eloise… Say something."

I am luckily spared having to reply by a muttering at the end of the table. I look over to see Lily standing up again however this time, her smile is genuine.

"I have an announcement to make… well I don't but some people do," she grins at Victoire sitting on her left. "It gives me great pleasure to hand over to my beautiful cousin and her awesome boyfriend-" she winks at Ted, "-who have a little something they want to tell you." Victoire's mother squeals as Lily sits down and Victoire and Ted Lupin stand up.

"We were going to leave this until later but someone-" Victoire wrinkles her nose at Lily who grins back, "-insisted we tell everyone now. Ted…" she says, indicating he should go on.

"Well, this is awkward but hey… Basically, for some bizarre reason," Victoire rolls her eyes, smiling, "I asked this incredibly beautiful woman here to be my wife and she has accepted me…" The rest of his words are lost in the sound of cheers and congratulations that shower down on the couple. Lily's face is alive with delight, I cannot remember ever seeing her so happy: Victoire is her favourite cousin and she has absolutely adored Ted Lupin since she was born; seeing two of her favourite people in the world get married has long been a wish of hers.

I let myself get swept up in the celebrations, let myself get swept away from James and whatever else he clearly wants to say. I do not think I could bear it.

Lily seems to have been allocated the joy of her brothers as well because as I glance around, only James and Albus are still sitting, looking somewhat bitter; even Percy and George and their wives have managed to put a smile on. Fleur Weasley is crying into her husband's shirt in much the same way as Molly Weasley is crying into her husband's shirt, Ted Lupin is trying not to get separated from his fiancé while she is being drowned in hugs and kisses and congratulations, he catches my eye and I smirk at him as he sighs. Poor guy.

A crunching sound comes from behind me and I turn around to see James with a hand covering his nose and blood dripping onto his robes. Albus is stood with his fist still clenched, staring in horror at James.

* * *

**Hello there my dear readers, thank you so much for reading and would love to hear your thoughts in a tiny little review. If you're interested in this, or any of my stories, you can check out my blog using the link on my profile page. You can even ask me or my characters questions! Thanks again, GirlOnTheSidelines.**


	3. Conversations and Dip in the Black Lake

**III**

**Conversation and a Dip in the Black Lake**

**_April 2022_**

The journey back to Hogwarts is a quiet one, Alice and Frankie are focused on a game of muggle cards, Sally has her nose stuck in a book and Amanda has gone off somewhere. I flick through the pages of the Quibbler I'm reading, not really taking anything in, when the door to our compartment slides open.

"Eloise? Can I talk to you?" I sigh and nod, James slumps down in the seat next to me. "What should I do?" he sighs. "Was it really that bad? I can't help how I feel Eloise, I can't help that every other thought I have is of her… Albus is really mad isn't he?"

"James… He punched you, of course he's mad! Wouldn't you be if he had kissed a girl that he knew you liked?"

"But Al doesn't like girls, not usually anyway. Urgh, why did this have to happen?" he slaps his forehead with the palm of his hand in frustration. "Why did we have to fall for the same freaking girl, Eloise? Tell me what I should do," he looks at me, begging for an answer.

"You should do what you feel is right, it is not really my place to tell you what to do James Sirius Potter – that is up to you, it's your mess, you have to sort it out… I would suggest you try and talk to Albus though."

"Alright James?" Frankie butts in, shoving the pack of muggle cards into the pocket of her robes. "What happened to your nose?" Turning to look at James again I can see the faint bruising and swelling caused by Albus' fist.

"Al punched him," Alice grins. "You gonna tell us why yet?" James shakes his head and gets up.

"See ya," attempting to mess up my hair, he exits the compartment.

The common room is unusually quiet, the numerous sofas and armchairs are empty and there is no noise coming from the round doorways leading off to the dormitories. I slump down on an oversized cushion by the fireplace and pull out a book.

"Fucking hell," someone gasps as they stubble into the room. "Eloise you are never going to believe what I just saw…" Frankie looks around the almost empty common room. "James just kissed a Slytherin," she says in a stage whisper. "In front of the whole school, in the Great Hall…" she continues, giving details that I hardly care about. So that is it? James has actually fallen for someone… someone that isn't me. That's not how my fairy tale story ends. "Eloise!"

"Mmm…?"

"Did you just hear anything I just said?"

"Yes, James kissed Vivian Nott."

"Is that her name? Wait- how do you know?"

"He was telling me about her at Lily's party."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Frankie blinks twice before shrugging and running back down the passageway, no doubt to spread the gossip to someone who will have a better reaction than mine. So this is it? Well I hope he's happy. I turn back to my book trying desperately to ignore the gnawing feeling in my stomach. The words blur before my eyes and become a trail of meaningless letters. Blinking, I feel warm droplets of water sliding down my cheeks.

I don't know how long I sit like this, staring blankly at the pages of my once riveting book, letting hot tears splash onto the faded parchment and feeling the numbness spread throughout my body. James has done this before, I keep telling myself. And he had, James had had countless girlfriends and flings in the past, why should this one be any different? Because he never admitted to feeling anything for the other ones. Oh, shut up brain, you're not helping.

"Whoa, Eloise, you realise first lesson started like ten minutes ago?" I glance over my shoulder, tactfully wiping the tears away, to see Lewis Peterson – Hufflepuff's seeker and Amanda Smith's long term boyfriend – standing awkwardly in the doorway to the boys' dorms, clearly surprised to find me here.

"Yeah, I was feeling a bit off so skipped," I smile, he knows I'm lying – I never skip any lessons and I'm never ill – but he doesn't ask any further, no doubt afraid he will end up with an overly emotional girl on his hands.

"Okay, see ya," he darts down the passage way and I am left alone again.

"Eloise!" a familiar voice calls from the other end of the passage. "Are you in there? I need to talk to you." I stumble over to the passage way and tap the barrels at the end to let me out.

"Shouldn't you be in lessons?" I raise my eye brow at him.

"Shouldn't you?" he asks with a cocky grin. I roll my eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I kissed her… again… last night and this morning… in front of everyone…" he pauses. "Al hates me."

"If I were Al I'd hate you too."

"I know."

"Do you really like her?"

"Yes."

"Did you talk to Al?"

"I tried but he-" I raise my eyebrow at him again. "No."

"You want go swimming?" changing the subject swiftly, I avoid the tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks.

"Huh?"

"Swimming… In the lake."

"Uh… why?"

"Because it'll be fun." James looks at me as if I have gone mad then, deciding that I am actually being serious, he grabs my hand and drags me through the corridors and towards the Black Lake before I can change my mind.

We skirt the shores of the lake until we get to our usual spot, the only thing unusual this time is that I am going swimming – normally James just goes in by himself. James immediately strips to his boxers, his muscles rippling across his beautiful chest and I bite my lips to hold back a smile.

"Come on Lou," he grins. Reluctantly, I pull my robes over my head, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with James so close by. Silently, I thank Merlin that I put on decent underwear this morning. "Coming…?" he holds out his hand to me and I take it, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach.

The water is icy cold and the weak sunlight that filters through the trees on the edge of the lake does little to warm me. Suddenly, I am submerged in the icy depths and come up spluttering for air.

"James, you twat!" I squeal as he swims away from me. Braving the cold, I follow him and get my revenge.

"Trying to drown me Macmillan?"

"Maybe..." I turn my face away so he cannot see the blush that crawls across my face as his hands grab my waist under the surface. He slides them round and pulls me closer, his touch is like burning fire next to the cold caress of the water. "What are you doing?"

"Drowning you," he winks, pulling me down into the lake. I should really think about my breathing. His hands are still burning holes in my waist. Breathing. Hands. Breathing… Seriously, breathing. Can't breathe. James.

"Shit," I splutter eventually. Dragging my dazed body to the shore, I crawl up onto the bank and flop down on my back, taking deep, heavenly gasps of delightful oxygen. "Were you trying to kill me?" I ask James as he flops down beside me. He just grins his stupid, cocky, heart wrenching grin.

"You're so different to Lily, she would have punched me for doing that."

"Probably because she is a Potter and I am just a helpless Macmillan," I say, rolling over and propping myself up on my elbows.

"You might as well be a Potter… Hey! Maybe you could marry Al! Then you really would be like my sister." I drop my head to hide the look on my face – that is all James will ever see me as: his sister by all means but blood.

"Whatever James."

"Seriously, it would solve all my problems; Al wouldn't be mad at me because he has a beautiful wife, Vivian would be free of any ties with Al and I could still see you all the time. Problem solved." I sigh – your problems maybe but it would create a fair few new problems for me… like being married to the brother of the guy I love… or seeing the guy I love in love with someone else… Wait, did James just call me beautiful?

No, I am not vain… But this is James…And he called be beautiful.

Get a grip Eloise.

"Lou? You okay?"

"Hmm…? Yeah, I'm fine, just cold." He flicks his wand at me and I am suddenly filled with a gentle warmth that spreads outwards from my core and trickles down into the tips of my fingers. "Thanks."

"No worries," there is an edge to his voice, the sort of edge he gets as he plans one of his master pranks. I pull a face at him. "What…?" he asks innocently.

"Whatever you're thinking – stop."

"What makes you think I'm thinking anything?"

"You've got that look in your eye – the look you got when you're plotting something."

"I'm not plotting anything…" he fakes innocence. "Except, maybe, this!" he launches himself at me and starts tickling me all over, seriously, I can't even breath – this kid either wants me to die or wants to be killed himself!

"James- Stop- James-" I gasp between breaths, he just ignores me. He is lying on top of me now, tickling every available piece of skin – which, seeing as I am only wearing my underwear, is quite a lot. He continues to ignore my protests and eventually I don't even have the breath to protest. Seriously, I am the most ticklish person I know, every part of me is ticklish, even just running a finger down my arm makes me giggle.

If this goes on any longer, I am going to suffocate.

"Fuck," James gasps as he rolls off of me and onto his back, clutching his groin.

"And that is why you don't tickle me," I growl after recovering my breath once again.

Blowing the leaf hanging in front of my face from one of the many plants in our dorm, I continue to watch Alice on her rampage.

"I just can't believe him! She's a Slytherin for crying out loud! I thought he knew better than that!" she repeats for what seems like the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. "I mean she's not even nice!"

"I'm sure James sees something in her," I butt in edgeways.

"Like what? She's not even pretty!"

"Really? I would say she was, I mean she has the most amazing black curls and ivory skin."

"Yeah but James doesn't like that sort of thing – he likes big boobs and big butts and she has neither!"

"Well apparently that's not all he looks for… Have you thought that he might actually like her? Like, like, like her?"

"Are you trying to tell me you think James has fallen in love for this girl?"

"Well… maybe not love," Frankie says, coming into the dorm with an armful of books, "but he sure as hell has fallen in something! I've never seen him like this, in Defence earlier, he did not stop grinning the whole lesson; even Creevey was giving him funny looks."

"I just don't get it!" Alice sighs, sinking down onto her bed. "James doesn't fall for girls, not properly anyway, why did he have to fall for her?"

"She's mysterious; she has never thrown herself at him because he is famous, he actually has to chase her which is something he's not used to. Guys like to chase," Frankie shrugs.

"Yeah but she's a Slytherin, I just don't get it."

"What's not to get?" I snap. "James likes her and wants to be with her. That's it." Alice and Frankie look startled – I never snap. "Sorry, I'm just tired," I yawn to put truth behind my lie and grab my pyjamas. The two girls glance at each other and shrug, clearly at a loss of what to say.

Lying in my bed, I think of all the times I have spent with James over the last seven years and a knot forms in my stomach – what if those days are coming to an end. What if, after this year finishes, I never see James again…

* * *

**Hello there lovelies, if you like my story check out my blog, the link in on my profile. Thanks for reading and reviews would be much appreciated! ****_GirlOnTheSidelines x_**


	4. Tears and a Trip to Hogsmeade

**Chapter Four - Tears and a Trip to Hogsmeade**

**_May 2022_**

I roll over for the hundredth time that minute. Grabbing my wand, I light up the little clock on my bedside table – 01:17. Great. Shrugging on a jumper and some big woollen socks, I creep out of the dorm. The castle is completely deserted at this time and I have to find my way in the dark so as not to disturb the portraits lining the corridors. A cool breeze greets me as I climb out onto the Astronomy Tower. James showed me this place back in our First Year and we had taken to meeting up here over the course of the years. We had been the unfortunate witnesses to many a late night rendezvous between unsuspecting couples, including some of James cousins and many of our classmates – they always did wonder how their secrets were discovered. The memories bring a smile to my lips.

"Lou, is that you?" I jump in surprise, thinking I was the only one up here.

"James?"

"What are you doing up here?" his voice sounds rough and taunt.

"James, are you alright?" I move closer to the sound of his voice and find him slumped against the wall. "James…?"

"I don't understand Lou… She loves me, I know she does…" my heart constricts, I have never seen him look so broken; the silvery moonlight casts fragmented shadows on his perfect face.

"James honey, what happened?" I ask as I slide down the wall next to him.

"I was looking at her name of the Map," he waves the ancient looking Marauder's Map slightly and I know at once he is talking about Vivian. "She came up here and I thought I'd meet her… I did." He takes a ragged breath before turning to look at me like a helpless child. "She ended it with me Eloise. She said she couldn't do it. She didn't even give a reason!"

Oh Merlin. I just want to find this Vivian girl and shake her – how could she do this to James?

"Oh, Jamsie," I sigh, pulling him into my arms like a child. He buries his head in my jumper and I can feel his body shaking as he lets silent sobs escape. "It will be okay… I know it doesn't feeling it, but it will." I hate myself: I'm such a hypocrite. I always tell people off for using those lines, they are so unoriginal and meaningless, yet here I am – using them myself. The truth is: I just don't know what else I'm supposed to say.

"I just don't get it…" he sighs, wiping his faces with the sleeve of his robes.

"I'm sure she has her reasons, maybe one day she will be able to explain them to you…" my words do little to cheer him up and he stares out into the darkness with a blank expression on his angelic features. I can feel the corners of my heart crumbling as I watch him suffer; wishing desperately I could do something to ease his pain, knowing the pointlessness of that wish as nothing can ease the pain of a breaking heart. I would know – my heart is breaking all over again for him.

"I love her Eloise…" A tear leaks from my eye, rolling down my cheek and disappearing into the material of my jumper.

"I know James," the force of truth in his words was bitterly overwhelming. "I know."

"Will it go away… the pain?"

"In time…" I hope.

The biting wind tugs at my hair, dragging me from my sleep. Every muscle in my body aches; the cold stones of the castle wall drain the remaining heat from my frozen body. I breathe in deeply, stretching my arms to the sky.

"Umph," James mutters in his sleep as my actions jostle him slightly. He snuggles deeper into the folds of my overlarge, muggle jumper. My stomach squirms. His head is in my lap, an arm thrown carelessly over me… we must have fallen asleep while he was crying into my front, I am holding him like a mother comforts her child. But I am not his mother.

Tilting my head back against the wall, I try to steady the erratic beating of my heart, terrified that he can hear it. My breath is ragged and unsteady: he sleeps peacefully. The sky is a pale blue, with a few traces of cloud trailed across its otherwise unmarred surface. Everything is perfect: the sky, the warm breeze that ruffles the trees in the distance, the presence of James so close to me… There is just one flaw: we are only here because James is in love with another girl.

"Lou…?" he mumbles into my stomach.

"Yes, Jamsie?" a smile slides onto my face at the sound of his voice.

"I'm cold." Putting my arms around him, I pull him close, tucking his head under my chin and letting him fall back to sleep. I sit there, rubbing my palm up and down him arm to warm him, staring out over the low wall and watching the birds greet the morning sun. Time doesn't seem to exist when I'm with James, it faded from minutes to hours without me noticing but it passes all too quickly. The sound of students waking throughout the castle drags my attention momentarily from the warm body in my arms. Lessons will be starting soon.

A part of me is desperate for James to wake up so I can look into his warm brown eyes but a larger part of me wants him to stay asleep in my arms so I can continue to imagine all the things he will way to me when he wakes… things I know he will never say anywhere but in my dreams. Keeping track of the sun as it drifts across the sky, I decided we must have missed first lesson. I cannot move because that would disturb James and he looks so peaceful when he sleeps, entirely carefree, no sign of heartbreak on him rugged features. I wish desperately that the smile on his face is caused by dreams of me… But I know in my crumbling heart that they are caused by dreams of Vivian. Holding back tears, I realise how much he is going to hurt when he awakes and remembers Vivian has left him and that he has only me for comfort. I may be one of his best friends but I am not Vivian Nott and he does not love me.

"James!" I squeal as he splashes me once again.

"Come on, Lou, you came in the other day, why won't you come in again?" he shouts from the lake, his torso gleaming with droplets of tantalizing water. "Please."

"Fine," I sigh, pulling off my clothes and following him into the icy depths. "The things you make me do," rolling my eyes at him, I send a scatter of water in his direction.

James awoke a little after second lesson (I could tell because of the movement in the grounds) and had immediately suggested we go to the lake, I think he just needs as many distractions as possible and lessons just wouldn't be enough. Occasionally, he goes quiet and stares off into space and I have to come up with tactful ways of distracting him again. So far, I have managed okay but the pain still shows in his eyes.

"Where did you go…?" he asks, waving a hand in front of my face. Crap, I'm the one trying to keep him from thinking not the other way around.

"Uh… nowhere," I reply stupidly and he just chuckles and splashes me. "Oi!"

"Sure, sure… bet you were just dreaming about Louis' hot body," he winks.

"How did you guess?" I fake embarrassment which sends him into fits of giggles. Suddenly, he comes closer and sinks into the water. What. Is. He. Doing.

"Haha!" he yells, grabbing my legs and throwing me over his shoulder like I weigh little more than a child. Pummelling his chest, I demand he puts me down. I am, of course, ignored.

"James you dick! The blood is rushing to my head!" I scream. Eventually he puts me down but doesn't let go of me, I can feel his hands on my waist, resting gently. He is so close; I can feel his breath tickling my nose. His lips are right in my eye line and I have to look away, biting my own. Oh James, if only you knew how much this is killing me.

"What would I do without you, Lou?" he asks, smiling down at me. I thank Merlin I have an excuse for having a red face because I can feel I blush crawling across my skin. He tilts his head forward. For a moment, however stupidly brief, I think he is aiming for my lips. He isn't of course, and plants a light kiss on the tip of my nose. "You're the best, Eloise, no one compares," he winks cheekily at me before another handful of water lands in my face.

I think my heart just failed.

"Macmillan?" Professor Smith shouts across the common room. I turn to look at her and she beckons me over. "The Headmaster would like a word with you in his office," she smiles kindly but my heart picks up its pace. Of course, I have been in trouble before but I've never skipped a whole day of lesson. I follow her up to the ugly gargoyle leading to the Headmaster's office and she mutters the password and leaves. The gargoyle jumps aside and I hesitantly walk forward.

"Come in Miss Macmillan," the Headmaster's voice sounds from the other side of the door just before my knuckles come into contact with it. How does he do that? "Sit down," he indicates to the single chair in front of his desk. "I suspect you know why you're here?"

"Yes Sir," I say calmly.

"Would you like to explain?"

"Because I missed my lessons today."

"Yes, indeed you did," he leans forward and rests his elbows on the desk. "May I ask why?"

"I- I was helping a friend," I stutter weakly.

"And this friend was James Potter?"

"Yes Sir."

"I hope you two weren't…"

"Oh no Sir!" I exclaim, horrified. "It was nothing like that, he was just feeling down and I was worried about him…" I stumble over my words to get them out in a rush. How mortifying.

"I see," he seems satisfied and I relax. "Well, I suggest you do not do so again, Miss Macmillan, we wouldn't want your grades to slip would we? Next time I won't be so lenient," he looks at me over his thick glasses before leaning back in his chair and indicating that I can go with a wave of his hand. I quickly jump up and leave, wanting to get out before he changes his mind and gives me detention or knocks off House Points. Wow, that was lucky.

He's right of course – if I skip anymore, my grades will suffer; I'm not one of those lucky people who doesn't have to work to get good grades. I hate skipping lessons; I never normally do it… But James needed me and I know, however sad it may seem, that I would do anything for James, I always have and always will.

The little village of Hogsmeade looms before us as Alice, Frankie and I make our way towards the Three Broomsticks. Alice is complaining about a burn on her hand from one of Hagrid's many bizarre creatures and Frankie is nattering away about next week's Quidditch game – Gryffindor vs. Slytherin – it should be an interesting game.

"Oi, Frankie!" someone yells from behind us. "Wait up!" we turn in unison to see Callum Jenkins, Rob Watts and James coming towards us. Callum winks at Frankie who blushes furiously in return. "Hey," he grins at her.

"Hey," she smiles shyly. What in Merlin's name is going on here? Frankie is never shy! "You alright?"

"Not bad," he literally cannot keep his eyes off her. I shoot a glance at James who smirks back at me. I shall be interrogating him later.

"Uh… Let's go," I hastily distract the attention away from Callum and Frankie (who is still blushing like a First Year). James throws an arm over my shoulder and remarks on the lovely weather we are having. I raise an eyebrow at him and he tries to mess up my hair.

"Can we have six butterbeers please?" Rob asks as the rest of us move off to find a vacant table. Callum pulls Frankie into the seat next to him and starts whispering in her ear causing her to giggle in the most un-Frankie like way. I seriously have to ask her what is going on between them. "Here you go," Rob smiles, handing us all a butterbeer each before sitting next to Alice. James has squeezed in next to me on the bench.

"You're wearing you hair down," he mutters in my ear.

"Yeah… so?" I ask, tilting my head to look at them and trying to fight the butterfly tumbling through my stomach – I cannot believe he actually noticed, James never notices anything.

"You never wear it down…" he leans back to look at me fully. "It looks nice; you should wear it down more often…" Deep breathes, Eloise, deep breathes. Oh Merlin – why are you doing this to me?

"Whatever," I grin, hanging my head forward so he cannot see me blush… Having you hair down is useful after all. He picks up a strand from my back and begins threading it through his fingers, my body tingles all over. Seriously, why is he doing this me?

We talk about a myriad of insignificant things; James continues to play with my hair and I vow to myself I will only ever wear it down again if I want to torture myself, really, it's not worth it; Frankie and Callum pay us no attention what so ever, too wrapped up in their own little world and I cannot help but wish it was me in her place, with James instead of Callum of course; Alice moves closer to whisper something in James' ear and despite the fact he is practically sitting on my lap, I cannot hear what she is saying over the noise of the pub. James finds it hilarious, whatever it was, and I am so glad to hear him laugh as if his heart had not been broken just a few days earlier.

"I'm just going to have piss," he grins at me and I am so caught out by the emptiness I feel as he lets go of my hair and stands up that I forget to duck and for the first time in seven years, he manages to ruffle my hair. "Ha! I knew I'd get you in the end Macmillan!" he squeals in absolute glee at his achievement. I glare at him and he backs away, still laughing to himself.

I turn back to the table to see Rob giving me a sideways glance and I hurriedly look away – I've made it this far without anyone guessing my secret, I'm not about to just let this brawny Gryffindor suss me out.

"Do you know what's going on with them?" Rob leans towards me, indicating at Frankie and Callum who are now practically sitting on the same chair, still deep in a conversation that concerns no one else.

"No idea – I've never seen her like this before, she never blushes or giggles like a First Year…"

"Same, Cal is normally pretty chilled; he's never really focused on just one girl before."

"Maybe they're growing up," Alice joins us. "It's kinda sweet really." Rob and I both make gagging noises before bursting out into giggles. "What? It is!" she huffs. "Don't you ever want to find that special someone? The one who makes your heart flutter and your stomach churn…?" Well she just summed up how James makes me feel – great, now I know I'll die alone. Rob gives me another sideways look and I break out into giggles again to hide the pain in my chest.

Speaking of James – he is taking an awful long time on the loo. He must have bowel problems.

"Lou, do you recon some of us are going to grow up and get married?"

"Well yeah…"

"I mean, to each other?"

"Uh…"

"My parents did, they didn't date in school but they ended up getting married… How weird would that be if one of us married someone in our year, someone we don't really know very well but are still sort of friends with."

"I guess that would be pretty weird, my dad married his best friend's sister… That would be like me marrying Frank," I giggle at the thought – as attractive as Frank Longbottom may be, I think he has eyes only for Dominique Weasley at the moment and besides, we all know I'm actually in love with someone else already… Well, maybe not all.

"Ew, that's gross Lou… It would be like me marrying Rob-"

"Why would it be like marrying me? As far as I know, I'm not your brother…"

"Not you, Lou's older brother, Rob," Alice laughs. "But maybe you'll marry Lily." I snort at the thought: James would kill Rob if he so much looked at his little sister. James… Where are you? I look over my shoulder towards the bathroom doors. No James. He has been gone far too long.

"I'm going to go see what's taking James so long," Rob pushes back his chair and frowns at me. Fucking hell – why does he keep doing that? Alice just nods and goes to order another butterbeer. I sit impatiently while Frankie and Callum continue to ignore me… is he holding her hand? "James isn't in there; Rosmerta said she saw him leave a while back."

"I'm going to find him," grabbing my cloak, I make my way to the door… If he has done something stupid, I'm never going to be able to forgive myself, I was supposed to be keeping an eye on him. Running from the pub, I look around – no sign of him. Think, Eloise, think… Where would James have gone? I check the surrounding shops – nothing; the main street – nothing; the Shrieking Shack – nothing. Eventually, making my way to the Hogshead with the hope that he may have gone there to meet some other people, I see him.

"James!" I shout as I approach him, he is slumped into one of the sparse benches lining the narrow street. "What the hell? Where did you go?" I rant at him. Crap. Is he… crying? "Jamsie," I say again, softly this time. "Are you okay…?" He doesn't even look up as I sit down next to him and put an arm around him. "Hey, James, it'll be okay," I murmur into his soft hair, cradling him to me. "It'll be okay…"

He shakes his head.

"It will, James, it will…" I say, trying to convince myself the words are actually true.

"No it won't… She's pregnant, Lou."

Shit.

I don't need to ask who 'she' is. Who else could tear him up like this? Who, other than Vivian Nott?


	5. Breaking Hearts and Unwanted Revelations

**Chapter Five – Breaking Hearts and Unwanted Revelations**

**_May 2022_**

I just cannot believe it… Vivian Nott is pregnant. How could James have been so stupid? Besides, I didn't think they had done… that. They were only together for a few days as far as I was aware. How is this even possible? It takes me a moment to realise James has started talking again…

"… So now I can never be with her, I just cannot see how we can ever make it work. But I love her Eloise, more than I've ever loved anyone before… and probably more than I will ever love anyone again." I have to physically stop myself from flinching at those last words.

"What do you mean James? Surely this just means that you have to stick by her… Be by her side through it all… You'll have a connection to her that cannot be broken…" Oh Merlin, this is killing me inside, I cannot believe that I have lost James forever… Because it is forever, he will be with Vivian Nott… he will probably marry her… and I will be alone.

"Lou…" he looks at me for the first time, a slightly amused glint in his otherwise sorrow drowned eyes. "… It's not mine."

"Huh…?"

"It's Al's… remember? That was why this all started, that was why I ever spoke to her in the first place. Because she slept with Al… she never slept with me." Oh. Right. Oops. I almost giggle at my stupidity but then I see how much this is hurting James and I am immediately silent. The tension that built up in me when I had thought I had lost him, releases somewhat and I am able to relax enough to pull him back into my arms and let him cry… for the second time in a week. How could Vivian do this to him? I know it's not really her fault but still….

"James… things will be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it now and it might not seem that way for a while yet but you will move on, you will find someone else… someone who loves you and needs you, you and no one else." Like me. I have to bite my lip to stop myself actually saying those words. "Things are the way they are and no amount of tears will change that, I know it hurts, probably more than I can imagine, but it will get better in time."

"But Lou… I love her."

"I know honey," and I love you. "And I'm sure a part of her loves you too but she and Albus, well…"

"…are having a baby," he finishes for me.

"Yeah." Oh James, what can I do to make it hurt a little less? "Albus is going to need your help James and I know it is going to hurt you badly to give it to him but you are his brother, his older brother, and he needs you."

"But she doesn't love him…"

"You can't know that… maybe she does in her own, unique way. Besides, at least she will have Albus with her and not some dumbass who would have ditched her completely once he found out. At least you can trust Albus to stand by her side…"

"I think that's part of the problem Lou… I don't want him to stand by her side. I want him to ditch her so that I can be there for her instead. It would hardly matter to me that the kid wasn't mine… I would do anything for her Lou. Anything."

"But that's not going to happen, James, and you know it. Albus is better than that. He's your brother." My words are harsh and blunt but I can see no other way of getting through to James. I can see his heart is crumbling to dust and I want to help him – I need to help him – I just don't know how.

"I just cannot believe it… How can I be with anyone else?" he sighs. "I love her."

I close my eyes to hide my breaking heart. James.

James and I had walked back to the castle in silence, both lost in contemplation. I could not believe Nott was pregnant, it was just such a shock, and that the child was Albus'? It just didn't fit… Neither of them seem the irresponsible time. However, these thoughts were few and far between, my mind was preoccupied with holding James together.

"Thank you… for always being there for me Eloise, I honestly do not know what I would do without you." James states as we reach the castle doors. I just smile, trying to hide the joy those words evoke in me… the joy mingled with the bitter knowledge that he will never see me as anything more than the girl who was always there for him. I am just the 'girl'. Just the 'friend'.

The days begin to blur together as we prepare for NEWTs and although I have to study hard, I always manage to find time for James. In fact, right now I am on my way to the Library to meet him.

"James… Tell me the truth," someone says, just around the corner. "I'm one of your best mates; you know you can tell me anything." I know that voice… Rob Watts. "Is there anything going on between you and Eloise? Actually… what is going on with you and Eloise, because there is definitely something going on? I'm not stupid."

I freeze in my stance, just outside the Library door. Oh Merlin. This is so not good.

"Eloise? As in Eloise Macmillan?"

"No… as in Eloise Hoodwink, the famous astronomer," Rob snorts sarcastically.

"Jeez Rob, don't be stupid!" James laughs, causing a knife like pain to course through my stomach. "Lou is like my sister...!" Clenching my jaw, I try to supress the agony in my chest at his words. I know that is how he feels but that doesn't stop it hurting. Turning on my heel, I hurry away from the Library as fast as I can, I will make up some nonsense excuse later but right now I cannot be near James… it hurts too much.

And so the weeks pass… studying, daydreaming, comforting, hurting, smiling, laughing. James' pain begins to lessen although the shadow of loss is still evident on his face, to me at least, everyone else seems to think he has moved on and that the events never particularly bothered him in the first place. I know otherwise.

Outside, summer is well and truly on its way. I wander out to our usual spot to see Callum and Frankie being extremely antisocial again. Rob is lying in the grass a little way off and James and Alice are paying a game of Wizard Chess – which Alice is winning as per usual. Sitting next to Rob, I watch my two best friends. James is smiling, something I haven't seen him do in a while but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. It never does anymore. Alice is smiling too, a smile that lights up her whole face as James tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Oh dear Merlin. What is he doing?

"Hello, Eloise?" Rob is waving a hand in front of my face. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Uh…"

"I'll take that as a no," he laughs. "I said-"

"Lou," James calls, making me jump. "Come and help me, Alice is way too good at this game, I need back up!" he whines. Forgetting Rob, I jump up and head towards James and Alice. The latter gives me a secretive smile and I frown at her. "You're amazing," James tries to mess up my hair as I sit down beside him. My heart gives its customary lurch.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a similar fashion, we all stay down by the lake – the boys (minus Callum) and Alice even go swimming. James tries to throw me in but I threaten to hex him and he backs off, smart move Potter. Frankie and Callum are all over each other; at this rate I will be surprised if she isn't pregnant by the end of the year.

"Hey Eloise," Martha Finnigan smiles as she comes to sit beside me. "They are disgusting," she wrinkles her nose at Frankie and Callum. "Someone needs to tell them to get a room!"

"We'll get Alice to do when she comes out the water," I giggle, looking away from the offending couple.

"Who do recon is hotter: James or Louis?" Martha asks with a wicked grin on her face, I shield my eyes and pretend to study the boys jumping off the rocks. I already know who it hotter.

"Louis, definitely," I lie. "What?" I exclaim at the disbelieving look on her face. "He's part Veela! I want Veela babies!" I snort in mock indignation. Martha just laughs. "What about you?"

"Probably Louis as well," she smiles, plucking at the grass by her feet. I can tell she is dying to ask me something, I mean why else would she come over here just to talk to me? I like Martha but we are not particularly friends as such, she is a Gryffindor like James and I know the two of them are quite close, I think they even dated last year. "Um… How's your brother?" And there you have it - wait, what? My brother?

"What, Rob?" I ask in surprise and she blushes. Ha. That's funny. "Uh… he's good, why?" Oh I am so mean but torturing her is just plain funny.

"Uh, no reason," she mutters. "Is he still with that girl- Fenella or whatever her name was?"

"Fatima?" She nods. "I'm not sure," I pretend to ponder. He's not by the way; they broke up a month ago because she cheated on him with some rich guy… I never liked her. "Maybe." Martha's face falls. Oh I am cruel. "Oh no!" I almost shout, as if just remembering. "I think he dumped her because she was a skank!" Martha's whole face lights up and I cannot help but giggle. "I think he might be coming to Hogsmeade in a few weeks…" I trail off and I swear Martha might just burst in a minute.

The door to the dorm creaks open and I sit up straight in bed. It is about bloody time Alice Augusta Longbottom!

"Where have you been?" I hiss into the darkness.

"Why are you still awake?" she hisses back.

"Because I was worried about you!"

"There really was no need, I was with James."

Oh.

"Oh…"

"Oh Merlin Eloise," she giggles.

"What do you mean with James?"

"What do you think Lou?"

"You weren't-"

"No!" she squeals. "We were just making out, that's it!"

"Oh."

"Night Lou," Alice sounds happy.

"Night," I mutter.

Huh? James and Alice? I knew he was flirting earlier but I didn't think he would… He is still in love with Vivian. Surely he cannot have actually moved on already. He was so torn up. But then again, he is James Potter, he doesn't do things like everyone else. A part of me is really, really mad at Alice but I supress it because let's face it, she doesn't exactly know how I feel about him does she? If she makes James happy again… Maybe it is a good thing… I fall asleep with these thoughts mulling around in my head.

The next morning I am awoken by Alice jumping on my bed.

"Come on Lou!" she whines. "You have to help me look good!" Huh…? I crack my eyelids open to see Alice's face inches from mine. As punishment for waking me up, I breathe heavily on her. "Eew! Eloise that is disgusting!"

"Serves you right!" She glares at me. "Why do you have to look good anyway?"

"Because of James of course," she rolls her eyes and my heart squirms. So it wasn't a dream. Something is actually going on between Alice Augusta Longbottom (my best friend) and James Sirius Potter (the love of my life). Well isn't that just bloody fantastic. At least with Vivian I didn't have to hear all the gory details from her – Alice is going to tell me everything, she is that kind of girl. And I am going to have to grin and bear it, pretending that I am completely happy for her and all the while feeling like my heart is being ripped out… Oh boy this is going to be fun. "Oh he is so wonderful Eloise." And so it begins: operation torture Eloise Grace Macmillan (I've really got a thing for middle names today). "And he is such an awesome kisser… I just hope it won't be weird because I have known him since forever and everyone always thought it would be you he hooks up with but now it's me," she sings. "I'm so happy Eloise- Eloise, are you okay?"

Uh…

Mmm…

Try, uh… no?

Definitely not.

Maybe I heard her wrong…

No. No I heard her just fine.

Everyone always thought it would be you he hooks up with… That is what she said. I am not going mad. She said that… right? Me. Everyone.

Oh Merlin please let this not be happening. Make her take it back; I did not want to hear that, I don't ever want to hear anything like that ever. Everyone thought he would end up with me. I thought I had hidden it so well. I thought no one knew.

"Eloise…?" Alice's voice sounds distant. "Are you okay?"

"I'm- I'm fine… Just, um, tired…" What a pathetic excuse. Before she can say anything else that might cause me to crumble, I shove my duvet off and stubble into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me.

All the way to the Great Hall, Alice is practically jumping off the walls. Pretending to listen to her ramblings about how perfect James is – I don't need to be told, I already know – I lose myself to thoughts of all the perfect times James and I have had. It just doesn't seem fair somehow that I have been in love with him for so long and yet my best friend is the one he goes for… and I just don't understand how he got over Vivian Nott is quickly. Maybe I read the signals wrong, maybe he was not as into her as I thought I was, maybe he was not actually in love with her at all. But I know James – he has never been that way with any other girl, it just does not fit that he would be over her already.

"Lou, are you even listening to me?" Alice laughs as my expression changes to something akin with a rabbit caught in the headlights. She does not wait for a reply but races ahead into the Great Hall, no doubt to go and suck face with the love of my life.

Wow, that sounded pathetic.

Reluctantly, I follow my best friend into the Hall only to be greeted by the sight of a rather subdued Gryffindor table. James is nowhere to be seen but I spot Albus looking like he wished the ground would swallow him whole. James' cousin Rose is sitting a few seats down shovelling food into her mouth as if this was her last meal on earth. Even Roxanne looks torn and I always had her down as the one with solutions to any problems. How odd… I wonder what has got the entire extended Weasley family into such downtrodden spirits.

"Eloise!" someone calls from the Hufflepuff table and u drag myself out of my thoughts and head over to where Alice is now talking animatedly with Amanda Smith. "Eloise have you heard?" Amanda exclaims as I join them.

"Heard what?" I frown.

"Al is married," Alice squeals. Oh dear Merlin. "I just can't believe it! I've known him my whole life, it just doesn't seem like something he would do! This is absurd! Are you sure Manda? Maybe someone heard it wrong…?"

"No, look," Amanda pulls out what looks like a copy of yesterday's Evening Prophet. "See, it says right there: Vivian Iris Nott, daughter of Theodore and Iris Nott, weds Albus Severus Potter, son of Harry and Ginny Potter, 11th May 2022." I just stare at the words. This is going to kill James. This is what is wrong with the entire Weasley family.

"Who is Vivian Nott anyway?" Alice asks.

"She's the girl who was with James for a few days after the Easter Holidays," Amanda explains. "I'd never heard of her before but now she's everywhere – first James now Albus. That must be awkward!"

"Oh Merlin, her," Alice's eyes widen as she remembers Vivian Nott at last. As if on cue, Vivian Nott herself walks into the Great Hall. Almost everyone turns in sync to stare at her only moments before the whispers break out. I watch as she makes her way to the Slytherin table and sits down next to Scorpius Malfoy. I have to admire the way she manages to hold her head high even when she knows everyone is talking about her.

"It gets worse though," Amanda stage whispers. Alice leans her head a little closer. "Apparently…" she looks around as if to check there is no one listening. "Apparently, she is also pregnant-" Alice gasps. "-with James' baby." I watch as Alice's face falls, she looks heart broken, betrayed, I cannot help but want to ease her pain, especially when I know there is no real cause for it.

"That's not true," I sigh reluctantly. "She is pregnant but it's not James." Alice's face perks up a bit but Amanda frowns.

"Well whose is it then?"

"His brother's… Which I'm guessing is why she married him," I have to refrain from rolling my eyes at Amanda. She is a nice person but she does love to make a drama out of everything.

"But why would they get married?" Alice asks, a tiny frown etched on her face in concern for her childhood friend.

"I don't know," I shrug. "I think her family is quite traditional and would view it as a disgrace for her to have a child out of wedlock… And Albus is a Gryffindor, they are supposed to be chivalrous – he would never let someone suffer if there was something he could do about it," I reason. "I guess he's like his dad in that respect."

During our free period, Alice and I meet James and Louis by the lake. James is acting especially carefree today but I can tell it is just an act. Alice seems to buy it though as she fawns all over him. Louis and I briefly discuss Albus and Vivian, according to him, James already seemed to know. We also watch James and Alice for a bit.

"You're James' best friend right?" I ask hesitantly. He nods. "Do you think he is really over Vivian Nott?" Louis turns his usually smiling blue eyes on me and frowns.

"Truthfully? No, I don't think he is." I nod, thankful that someone else at least saw what I saw.

"So him and Alice…?"

"Alice is a lovely girl, we grew up together," Louis begins. "But she is not really the type of girl that would or could make James happy in the long term." I nod in understanding. "I know she is your best friend so I do not want to insult her in anyway but I think for James, she is just a fling. There is nothing there that would keep them together but I can already see that she has let herself become much more emotionally involved than he has and I'm worried that he is only going to end up hurting her."

"Thanks," I smile slightly and Louis looks relieved. "I'm glad someone else sees it too," I explain.

"Eloise, someone needs to talk to him about it I think and well, the last time I tried he just blanked me and walked off… I think he might listen to you. Do you think you would at least try?"

"Of course," I sigh. Poor James, he must be having such a hard time right now, especially when half the school still think Vivian is pregnant with his child rather than Albus'.

My opportunity to talk to James alone does not come until the following day when Alice goes to help Hagrid with something. We are just sitting in our usual spot by the lake and he is lying in the grass with his eyes closed, I do not want to  
disturb his peace but I know I have to.

"James…" I begin hesitantly. He just hums in reply. "James, we need to talk… about Alice."

"What about Alice?"

"James, I know that to you, Alice is just another fling but she thinks it's something more, I think you need to talk to her so that you're both on the same page – I just don't want either of you getting hurt," I explain.

"Who says Alice doesn't mean something to me?" he asks and I can tell he is going into his stubborn mode.

"James… I know you are still in love with Vivian Nott." I spit the words out in a rush, they have to be said but I hate the pain I know they will cause him. Why? Why do I always have to be the one to talk to him about these kinds of things? When he does not reply, I carry on. "You cannot just use a girl like you are using Alice, she thinks you genuinely care about her – and I've no doubt that you do but not in the way she thinks you do. It's not fair on either of you and this will only end badly if you don't sort it out."

James does not reply. In fact, he gets up, shrugs and walks off. Looks like I had the same amount of success as Louis. I hate seeing him like this… he has just become so disinterested in the world and it is killing me inside. I wish there was something I could do to help him. I wish that this stupid fling with Alice would help him but I cannot put one person's happiness before another's and this fling is only going to hurt Alice and I cannot let that happen.

Once again, I find myself lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. When did my life get so complicated? I wish I could just go back to the days when James was my best friend (who I just happened to be in love with) and he was happy and Alice as dating the Gryffindor a couple of years above us and the only thing we had to worry about was our OWLs. Those were the simple days.

Jolting me from my thoughts, the door to the dormitory slams open and Alice comes tumbling in with tears streaking down her face. Sometimes I wish my best friend did not always wear her heart on her sleeve.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I ask although I suspect I already know.

"He just dropped me-" she chokes through more tears. "Like I never meant anything to him. He just ended it. he was so blunt. He wouldn't even look me in the eye… it was like he didn't even care that he was hurting me!" she sobs, collapsing on my bed. I pull her into my arms and stroke her hair, trying to calm her. "He said he wasn't interested and that he never had been! He used me Lou! James Sodding Potter used me! I thought I would be different because I was his friend, I thought that maybe that would actually mean something to him!" she continues to cry and I can do nothing but rock her gently and wait until she has run out of tears.

At last, Alice stops crying and falls asleep, exhausted. I tuck her into my bed before creeping out of the dormitory. Slipping unnoticed out of the common room, I head towards the Astronomy Tower. I have long ago given up trying to figure out how I always know where James is, it has become second nature to me now. I think I just know him too well… Much better than he knows me. He is standing by the edge, leaning out and gazing over the grounds.

"James," I hiss into the darkness. He jumps, startled, before recognition appears on his beautiful features. "How could you do that to her?" I hiss again and he frowns. "Alice has spent the last hour crying her eyes out because of you, you insensitive jerk!"

"Lou-"

"I can't believe you, she is your friend! Couldn't you have just talked to her and explained everything? Why did you have to be so blunt about it? Couldn't you see you were hurting her?"

"Eloise!" he snaps. "I don't get what the problem is?" he sounds angry. He never sounds angry towards me.

"The problem James? You just broke my best friend's heart!"

"You told me to!" he protests.

"No I didn't!" I exclaim, outraged. "I told you not to hurt her! And then you go and do this?"

"What are you talking about Eloise? You said that I should end things between me and her so that she wouldn't get hurt and that's exactly what I've done so don't go and turn this on me when you were the one who told me to do it in the first place!" he shouts. I am shocked into silence for a minute at the way he has twisted my words from earlier.

"James-" I choke out.

"You need to sort yourself out Eloise because right now you aren't making any sense to me and I can't be dealing with this. I simply did what you told me to do and now you're mad at me for doing it. I thought you would always be here for me but clearly I was wrong." James' voice drains of any emotion as he talks and with the last knife like sentence, he walks past me, not even looking at me, and back into the castle without another word.

Well done James Potter, you just broke two girls' hearts in one evening.


	6. Mending Friendships and Confessions

**Chapter Six – Mending Friendships and Painful Confessions**

**_May 2022_**

I can feel the dried tracks of my tears still plastered to my face as the morning sun trickles into the room. Thank Merlin it is the weekend, I don't think I could have handled going to lessons today, especially those with Gryffindor. Somehow I managed to find my way back to my dorm through the haze of water streaming from my eyes last night and I am now curled up, fully clothed, under the deliciously warm duvet. I don't feel warm though. There is an icy chill where my heart is. James' words from last night play over and over again in my mind. Was he right? Had I told him to end things with Alice? I can't remember. All I know is that I would never have told him to hurt her. She is my best friend and I would do anything for her, just like I would do anything for James.

I cannot recall ever fighting with James before. He would get moody sometimes and I would just back off until he was feeling better, occasionally I would snap at him if I was tired but he never retorted and he never blamed me. We have never fought before.

"Eloise?" asks a quiet voice from above me and I feel my mattress sink as someone sits at the foot of my bed. I am torn between responding and pretending I am still asleep when they speak again. "Lou, I know you're awake," Alice murmurs. Well that's my decision made then.

"Morning Alice," I mumble into my pillow causing her to giggle slightly. It is not her normal laugh, just a shallow echo of it. James must have really hurt her.

"Lou, I don't know what to do…" Craning my neck I see the frown etched on her forehead as she twiddles with the hem of her shirt. I give her a grunt telling her to continue. "Frankie just came up, she said James is outside the common room, she said he wants to talk to me and that he won't leave until he does." I study Alice's face and I can tell that a part of her is dying to just run to James. "Should I go and see him Lou? I'm not sure…"

"Alice," I sigh, sitting up at last. "What James did was wrong. He hurt his friend and that's not on. But he is going through some shit at the moment and I don't think he really knew what he was doing or how much it would actually hurt you. If you don't want to talk to him, that's fine, but James is stubborn and if you don't talk to him now, he'll find a way to talk to you. He won't give up. Look at it this way, he has already hurt you, surely whatever he has to say can't be any worse?"

"It's funny isn't it," Alice says after a while. "I've known James my whole life… but you still know him better. I wish I could be like you Eloise, you always know what to say and you always know how everyone else is feeling even if they try and hide it." She continues to fiddle with the hem of her shirt.

"Yeah well, my life's not perfect either," I mumble, half to myself. "Just go talk to James." Alice glances up at me with her large blue eyes and I can see the hope shinning out of them that my approval awoke. "Just tell him from me that he is a prick," I laugh before hopping out of bed and heading for the showers as Alice nods and runs out the door.

Alice returns while I am still in the shower but thankfully, I cannot hear her sobbing. When I emerge in my towel, I find her lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. Deciding I'll wait until she's ready to tell me what James said, I go over to my bed and rummage through my trunk looking for something decent to wear. I always make extra effort to look decent when I'm a mess inside. It makes me feel better. Finally, I settle on my favourite skinny jeans and floaty white blouse.

"He said he was sorry," Alice mutters at last. "He said he was sorry for hurting me and for making me think we had something. He said he never meant to lead me on and that he hadn't realised that he was giving the impression he wanted something more from me." Her voice remains monotonous as she talks and she doesn't take her eyes from the ceiling. "He really didn't care about me at all," she sighs and I wonder if she is about the cry again.

"He does care Alice, you're his friend, of course he cares," I send her a comforting smile which she doesn't notices as she is still inspecting the ceiling.

"Yeah… just a friend. A friend who he flirted with and snogged and snuck out with," she snaps. "He never really cared, not properly. I don't want to be his friend Eloise. I want to be his girlfriend. Someone he tells everything too, someone who he wants to spend all his time with, someone he would do anything for. Hell, you're more like a girlfriend to him than I ever was and you've never even kissed him!"

Somewhere in the middle of her little rant, I froze with my shirt half way over my head. We were heading into dangerous waters. Her words caused my heart to unwillingly quicken its pace. This is really starting to get ridiculous. She needs to stop saying stuff like that. Can't she see it's killing me inside? No, of course not. I have grown far too accustomed to hiding my feelings for James from the rest of the world that she cannot possibly have any idea how her words affect me.

"Don't be ridiculous Alice," I force a laugh. "I'm like his sister." How those words have tortured me over the last few years and now here I am, using them myself. What is my life coming to?

"Eloise… He's closer to you than to Lily for Merlin's sake, they hardly ever talk about things but he talks to you about everything! You are the only one who can make him see sense in a situation… Sometimes I swear you too a secretly dating – seriously, if you are, just tell me now to save me any further embarrassment!" Alice almost yells and I thank Merlin we are the only two people in the room so her ridiculous ideas do not spread. Because they are ridiculous… Absolutely absurd.

There is a moment of silence before Alice speaks again, her voice calmer than before. "I'm sorry, that was ridiculous… You and James are just friends, I know that, I know you don't have those sorts of feeling for each other, I'm just being cranky," she laughs but I can tell it is forced. I almost laugh in return at the irony of her words. "He wants to talk to you too by the way," she adds on and I almost run from the dorm, eager for an excuse to get away from her and her words.

The common room is almost empty as I stop dead in my tracks. Should I really be running to him? After what he said last night… shouldn't I be angry with him? And why do I feel like by running to him, I am betraying Alice's trust? She told me he wanted to see me… she knows. This is insane. Shaking my head, I continue to the exit, emerging to find James still waiting, leaning against the wall. The boy must have been there for a least an hour already. He folds a piece of parchment after muttering something under his breath and turns to me.

"Eloise…" he practically chokes.

"James-"

"I'm so sorry, I was an idiot, I didn't mean any of it, I swear, I know you are angry and I can't blame you but I swear I didn't mean any of it. I'm so sorry…" his trips over his words in his hast to get them out. "You were right Lou, I was an insensitive jerk, I hope Alice will forgive me and understand I didn't mean to hurt her."

"Oh James," I sigh, opening my arms. He is immediately in them, squeezing me tightly. "You're hopeless," I laugh, the feeling of his arms around my waist sending my heart into a furious dance that I am terrified he can hear. I suddenly understood why people say that making up is one of the best bits in a relationship… It is the kind of feeling you get when you lose something and then someone returns it to you, like the part of you that was missing is back again. Except, this isn't a relationship. Not in that sense. We are just friends.

"I honestly don't know what I would do without you Eloise Grace Macmillan," he murmured into my hair and the butterflies in my stomach erupted. This boy might just be the death of me. He moves away slightly, smiling down at me before pressing his lips gently to my forehead. I take that back – this boy will be the death of me.

It took a few weeks for the awkwardness between Alice and James to evaporate but now that it has, I am left with more worries than before. Because one thing is now crystal clear to me: Alice Longbottom has fallen in love with James Potter. It doesn't matter that he broke her heart and lead her on, she has still gone and fallen in love with him… But then again, I suppose it is not really her fault, you cannot chose who you fall in love with, you just do. Trust me, I know.

The worst part is, however, that I cannot talk to her about it. I've tried multiple time but I cannot bring myself to ask her directly. I think it would hurt too much to have to definitely add another reason to my list of why I can never be with James. This is a figurative list of course, I could never write it down for fear of discovery, not that I would want to… Imagine how depressing that would be.

"Lou..? Are you in there?" Someone waves there hand in front of my face and I blink to see the very guy I had been thinking about, standing before me. "I was saying… Do you think that I should ask Alice on a proper date?" Huh? Excuse me? Did I miss something? I thought he didn't like her that way? Well… I guess that is another reason to add to my figurative list.

"Huh?" I respond unintelligently. There was a reason I was not sorted into Ravenclaw. Or Gryffindor. Or Slytherin. He rolls his eyes. "I thought you didn't like her like that?" I frown.

"Well… I think it might be good for me…" he trails off and I can tell by the glazed look in his eyes that he is thinking of Vivian. "You know, to get out there again… I know you probably think I'm being stupid but I need to get over her Eloise. She is with Al now and I know he will look after her… She doesn't need me there to make things complicated. And Alice is nice, she's a friend, we could take things slow and she'd understand that it might not work out. Besides, I already know she doesn't just want the status of being Harry Potter's son's girlfriend… She has her own 'status' so to speak. I don't know Eloise… I just know I need to do something and dating Alice seems like a good idea… Please say something before I ramble on all day."

"I… I don't know what to say James. I mean, you really hurt Alice, I don't know what she would say if you asked her on a date," I muttered, aware that that was a lie. I know exactly what she would say: yes. I just don't want to see her hurt again because I know that James is still in love with Vivian and a part of him probably always would be. I don't think Alice could understand that. "Couldn't you try dating someone else?" I ask vainly.

"I like Alice and I think she likes me too, I could at least give it a go," he shrugs and I can see that he doesn't really believe that it would ever work out between them but she appears to be the girl he is pinning his hopes on. "I just wanted to know you didn't completely disagree with it."

"I just… I don't want you two to end up hurt again," I explain.

"I know but I have to try something Lou or I'll go mad," he confesses quietly.

"Just do what you think is best then James," I sigh, aware that what James often thought was for the best was not always the case. He smile and tries to ruffle my hair, I duck and he chases me down to the lake.

I rested my chin on my palm as I stared at the translucent figure of Professor Binns as he droned on about some revolt or rebellion or other. Across the classroom, Amanda and her boyfriend Lewis are flicking bits of paper at Lewis's best friend Antony Ferrars who has fallen asleep on his desk.

"Psst," Alice hisses behind me and I turn to take a bit of paper she is holding out under the table for me. Opening it, I read the words in her almost illegible scrawl: James asked me on a date. What do I do? Oh for the love of Merlin's underwear. Why do they keep asking me for advice? If everything was down to me, I would have Alice dating some nice, older guy and James running in and sweeping me off my feet. I do not want to help them get together for Godric's sake.

I hastily scribble: I don't know. There. My temper is unusually short today and this whole Alice and James thing is just getting ridiculous. And I have to study for my NEWTs for crying out loud. I'm not going to be a relationship adviser when I am older so I could really do without these questions. Folding it up, I pass it back to her.

"Helpful," she mutters under her breath. I just shrug.

As it turned out, Alice agreed to James offer just like I knew she would and they are planning to go to Hogsmeade together this weekend. I can tell Alice is far more excited about this than James is but there is nothing I can do about it now. They spend more time together now too. It's funny in a way, I never realised that most of my time was spend in either the company of Alice or James or both until they both started spending more time alone together.

Currently, I am sitting alone in the library pouring over some charms textbooks and trying to ignore the heavy feeling in my stomach. It seems to be growing heavier and heavier as the days go by. It is odd to be honest, I mean I have always hidden my feeling for James why should I feel any different because he is now seeing Alice? Would it be the same if it was someone else, someone I did not know?

A giggling catches my attention and I look up, hiding behind one of the bookshelves is my best friend and the love of my life. Alice has her back pressed against the books, it was her giggle. James was leaning against her, kissing her neck. His hands were resting on her waist. They looked happy. I suppose if James is happy… I should be happy too. James pulls away and Alice begins to nuzzle into his neck, planting little kisses along his collar bone. James glances to his left, as if looking for someone and I suddenly realise he is not half as into this little rendezvous as Alice is. I think he is looking for Vivian.

My heart leaps into my mouth as he turns his head to the right, his eyes again searching someone out. When they do not find Vivian, they fall on me. My face turns crimson and I snap my head back to my books but it is too late. He saw me looking. Merlin knows what expression I had on my face.

"Eloise?" he asks and I notice Alice give a moan of irritation as he pulls away. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh… working?" I mutter, refusing to look up at him. "That's generally what libraries are for," I cannot help the tone of disapproval that laces my words and he flinches slightly at my obvious dig at his behaviour. Alice comes over to join us after straightening out her shirt and tie, something James appears to have forgotten about as his tie is still crooked, making him look painfully attractive. "Hey Alice," I give a half smile, uncomfortable with James steady gaze on me. I just wish he would leave.

"Right, well I'm going," he says abruptly, moving away from my table. Alice make to follow him. "I'll see you later," he says decisively, dismissing her advances. Looking dejected, she returns to my table as James struts out of the library. Flopping down onto the spare chair, she begins to drum her fingers on the table. After a few minutes she speaks.

"It is just so annoying!" she whines. I do not bother asking what is annoying as, knowing Alice, she will tell me anyway. "We were just sitting in the Great Hall for lunch and everything was fine, he was paying attention to me and being all flirty and everything but then she goes and walks in and he freezes up and practically stops talking to me, just staring down at his plate.

"I was humiliating, so I dragged him out here but he just seemed distant… Although I suppose he seemed quite glad to get away from her which I guess is a good sign but still… Are you even going to ask me who she is?" Alice rants.

"Who is she?" I ask obediently even though I know perfectly well who the 'she' Alice is referring to is.

"Vivian Nott!" she answers, the expression on her face suggests she is scandalised by her own words. "Can you believe it? I mean, I know he was like seeing her or something at some point but really… To still be acting like that when she comes into the same room… It was the Great Hall for Merlin's sake; of course she was going to come in there at some point… Besides, isn't it kind of incest? I mean she's pregnant with Al's kid, isn't she?" Alice ponders, oblivious to the fact I am hardly listening. The image of James kissing her neck refuses to leave my mind. "You know, it kind of makes me feel like his rebound girl," she says at last. "I figured you'd done that for him and now he was free to move on… I mean, I know you guys were never actually a couple but I figured you talk about this sort of stuff and that it was kind of like what a rebound girl does…

"Merlin's pants Eloise! What if he is still in love with her?" Alice gasps, horrified at the thought. For the love of Merlin, now she is referring to me as James' rebound girl. To begin with, that sort of thing is a load of rubbish and labelling people like that will get her nowhere and does she not realise that those sorts of thing should just not be said around me? No, of course not. Alice never was very good at judging other people's emotions.

Alice continues her rant about Vivian while I sit and stare at her blankly, pretending to listen. She thinks James is still in love with Vivian. I know he is still in love with Vivian.

Thankfully, Alice's rant is cut short by the arrival of James' friend, Rob Watts.

"Hey, Eloise… I was wondering if I could talk to you?" he asks hesitantly. Without thinking, I scoop my books into my bag and say goodbye to a confused Alice who did not even appear to notice Rob's arrival.

"Sure," I smile, thankful to get away from her endless chatter.

"What was she ranting about?" Rob asks as we make our way out of the library.

"Oh, Merlin only knows," I shrug. "When she goes off on one, it's best to just tune out… She can never remember what she says anyway so it doesn't really matter," I explain, half truthfully.

"Right," he nods, clearly not too interested in Alice. "Look Eloise, I was, um, wondering if you had a date to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Uh… nope, why?" I ask dumbly.

"Uh… I was wondering if, maybe, you wanted to, uh, go with me?" he mutters. Oh. I guess I should have seen that one coming. A date with Rob? I have never been on a proper date before. I was never really interested, preferring to just hang out with the Frankie and Alice or James and his friends. I guess that included Rob. I mean Rob was nice… We always got on well… But did I want to date him? Was it fair on him? I mean wouldn't I just be leading him on because my heart was already somewhere else? But then again, my heart was a hopeless case… I might as well give it a try and see if it is possible for me to get over James.

Because James will never love me.

Not the way I love him.

So why should I waste my whole life on someone who will never give me what I want? What I need? Shouldn't I at least try to get over him? Don't I deserve to try? And dating Rob was as good an idea as any.

So I do something I never normally do, maybe it was the stress of NEWTs, maybe it was the scene I witnessed between Alice and James or maybe it was just a random impulse, but I made a rash decision.

"Sure, okay, I'll give it a go."


	7. Disastrous Dates and Interrogations

**Chapter Seven – Disastrous Dates and Interrogations**

**_June 2022_**

In what obscure world did I think this was going to be a good idea? I mean really, a date? To begin with, I am in Seventh Year and I have never even been on a date before… I have no idea what to expect while Rob has probably been on a thousand dates and knows exactly what to do. Secondly, it had suddenly occurred to James that my two best friends were going on a date together and I would have no one to go to Hogsmeade with so he invited me along. I have no idea what is wrong with that boy but you do not invite another girl on your date. Alice ranted at me for a whole hour after he mentioned it in the library… She kept going on about how James wasn't taking their 'relationship' seriously. Yes, they are in a 'relationship' now apparently. I wonder if James actually knows that.

Anyway, when I said I had other plans anyway, James casually asked me what they were and what did I do? I lied. I told him that Frankie and I were going to get some lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Of course, I did not really think through my little white lie before I said it because I know for a fact that Frankie is going on a date with Callum Jenkins – one of James' best friends – and that Rob was probably going to mention to James that he was taking me on a date because, well, Rob was James' other best friend. So really, the second James pulls his mind (and mouth) away from Alice, he will suddenly realise that I lied to him. Which means I am screwed because then he won't trust me anymore and he will want to know why I lied to him and why I was going on a date with Rob and why I felt the need to lie about my date with Rob and why I was avoiding him a little at the moment and… Merlin, the list is endless.

And another problem? I have no idea what to wear. I mean, seriously, what do you wear on a date during summer in Scotland? Hell, what do you even wear on a date? Oh Merlin, why did you allow me to get myself into such a mess?

"Eloise… you need to calm down," Alice mutters. "You're just going for lunch with Frankie… It's no biggy," she frowns. Across the room, Frankie raises her eyebrow at me and I make her a pleading face to not tell Alice that she was in fact going out with Callum. To be honest, I am surprised Alice has not realised my lie. Because yes, I did lied to her too… Well, technically I lied to James and she just happened to be there (on his lap) and I never bothered to correct her.

"I know, I know," I mutter quickly in response and Frankie shrugs and rolls her eyes at me. She of course, knows exactly who I am going on a date with. Because Callum told her. She practically cornered me and demanded an answer. When I told her I was indeed going on a date with Rob, she gave me this funny look before shrugging and walking off. Merlin knows what goes through that girl's head.

"Come on, I said I would meet James at eleven and it is already three minutes past!" Alice whines and I have to refrain myself from snorting at her. After all, three minutes was nothing and James was always late anyway. Eventually, I decide on a pair on skinny jeans, a white sheer blouse over a white strappy top and my favourite pumps. I glance at Frankie who asses my outfit and gives me a discreet nod and a smile. "Right, let's go," Alice demands, pushing us both out the door.

When we get to the Entrance Hall, we spot James, Rob and Callum all waiting by the stair case. Alice runs at James, immediately latching her lips to his. I silently thank Merlin for the distraction (however painful it is to my own heart) because it means James doesn't notice Rob greet me with a kiss on the cheek and a whispered: 'You look beautiful'. I won't try to deny my cheeks are a little warm.

I spot Frankie whispering in Callum's ear and he nods, shooting me a smile. When Alice and James finally break apart, James turns to say hello and tries to ruffle my hair. I slap him away playfully, the warmth in my cheeks still present. Callum suggests we all walk down to Hogsmeade together and Frankie and I are quick to agree. She sends me a discreet wink and I am lead to believe Callum's suggestion was really her idea. I mouth 'thank you'.

The walk to Hogsmeade is pleasant enough. Alice drags James along by the hand and demands all his attention so I do not have to talk to him, Callum sucks Rob into a conversation about some muggle support and Frankie comes to chat with me.

"So tell me Eloise," she murmurs, lowering her voice. "Why does our dear Alice think that you and I are going to lunch?"

"Ah…" I make a grimacing face. "Well James dumbly asked if I wanted to come to Hogsmeade with him and Alice and Alice went off on one so I told them I had other plans anyway and James asked with who and, well… I didn't know if Rob had mentioned to James that we were, you know, and I didn't want to upset anyone so I just said I was going for lunch with you…" It was at least half true. I thought it was only fair that Rob told James he was taking me on a, um, date but that was not the real reason I lied and I think Frankie knows it. I just hope to Merlin she doesn't know what the real reason actually is. "But thanks for saving my ass with Alice earlier."

"No problem," she murmurs but I can tell her mind is far away.

~x~

"See you later guys," Alice calls over her shoulder as she drags James away, leaving the four of us watching them in silence. After I few moments, I turn away from the retreating couples back to see that Callum's arm has found its way around Frankie's waist and they appear to being in silent conversation while Rob is staring at me in faint amusement.

"You didn't tell them we were going on a date did you?" he asks and I can tell the 'them' he is referring to just walked off hand in hand.

"I thought you might want to tell him…" I shrug, hoping he does not mind that much. He just sighs and shakes his head before reaching out to take my hand. I almost pull away. Almost. And then I remember why I am here in the first place and that is get to try and move on from the guy who is currently dating my other best friend. We wave goodbye to Callum and Frankie but I don't think they notice before heading down the main street. It is oddly comfortable between Rob and I and my fears of an awkward date slip away quickly.

We chatter and laugh as we browse through Honeydukes and Zonkos, talking about everything and nothing and I surprise myself by having a good time. Yet somehow, it doesn't really feel like a date. I feel like I am just having fun with a friend. So really, I should have seen it coming.

"Come on," Rob grins, taking my hand again. "Let's get some coffee." We wander back out onto the main street and, to my confusion, he leads me past the Three Broomsticks and up towards a shop I have never set foot in my entire life. Madam Puddifoot's.

Not wanting to sound rude, I simply follow him in without a word. We are greeted by the most horrendous tinkling tune and my eyes are mortally offended by an ambush of frills and lace. The small tea shop was littered with small round tables and lace covered chairs; lacy napkins in varying shades of pale pink were spread across the tables and occupying the fragile looking chairs were couple after couple of loved up school students. This was the last place I wanted to drink coffee.

"Hello dears," smiled a stout woman as she navigated her way between the tables towards us, levitating a train of china tea cups. Pink rimmed china tea cups. "Just follow me sweethearts, there's a table just over here, make yourselves comfortable and I'll send a menu over to you," she smiled again. It was a sickening smile.

Rob look around and I could see he regretted his decision to come here. It was a horrific place. Merlin knows how she has managed to keep it open for so long.

"I've heard they do good chocolate cake," he shrugs awkwardly at me. I laugh lightly and he relaxes.

"Come on then, I supposes there's no harm in trying it," I smile and lead the way to the table the woman had indicated. "This chocolate cake better be amazing," I tease and he blushes slightly. We both order the chocolate cake and she frowns when we opt for coffee over her 'delightful and world famous tea'.

"I'm sorry," Rob mutters. "My brother said that girls like coming here, I had no idea it would be so…"

"Frilly?" I supply.

"Yeah," he laughs.

"Don't worry," I shrug. "It can't be that bad, the cake looks good after all," I gesture to where a nearby couple are demolishing rather large helpings of the chocolate cake. "Hold on… Isn't your brother in his Fifth Year?"

"Uh, yeah," Rob confesses. "Look, clearly, I don't take girls on date very often," he explains. "And Ned was just like 'take her to Puddifoots', girls love it there'; I think he might have been having me on," Rob frowns, no doubt plotting revenge on his brother.

"I'm not sure…" I look around. "They certainly look like they like it here, maybe you just picked the wrong girl," I tease again just as our coffee and cake arrives. We both tuck in and let our thoughts drift. Mine drift straight to my two best friends and I wonder in James has every taken Alice here. Or rather, if Alice has ever taken James here, as she appears to be the boss in their 'relationship'.

We continue to chat over the sound of snogging couple and Rob's manages to entwine our fingers again without me even noticing. Once again, I find myself wondering if it is actually possible, maybe I could really get over James. Maybe I could fall from Rob. He was a nice, genuine guy and I liked spending time with him. And he asked me on a date so he must like me a bit too… Unless he has ulterior motives. Like I did in accepting his offer. Now I am just becoming paranoid.

"Eloise…" Rob murmurs, leaning closer to me so that I can hear him. "I know this hasn't been the perfect date," he cringes as he gestures around the room. "But I've had a really good time with you," he smiles. "I just… Well, I was wondering if…" I honestly do know what comes over me but I find myself leaning closer to him so that our faces are only centimetres apart. Rob stops talking and his eyes flicker down to my lips before swiftly returning to my own.

My pulse begins to quicken, from nerves or something else I am not sure. His free hand reaches up to stroke my cheek before creeping around the back of neck in order to pull me just that little bit closer. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I register the couple next to us get up to leave. I can feel Rob's breath on my face now and there is a questioning look in his eyes… Just as I am about to reply to that question, something yanks us apart.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing, you wanker!" a male voice screams, seconds before a fist comes flying at Rob's face. Rob manages to dodge out of the way but the second attempt lands straight on his jaw, sending him flying backwards in his chair. I look up in horror to see James grabbing Rob's robes and hoisting him back off the floor so he can get another go at his face.

"James!" I gasp. "James! Let go of him!"

"James!" another voice joins in my plea and I glance to my right to see Alice sitting at the table to over from us. The couple that had been occupying the table next to us must have been blocking their view of Rob and me. Alice gets up and trips as she tries to run around the obstructing table.

"James! Please let go! He didn't do anything!" I beg.

"Jamsie, what are you doing?" Alice cries. "James, please stop…"

"James!" I shout as he throws Rob to the ground again and bend over to punch him in the face. My shout seems to finally get through his thick skull as he pauses and looks up at me. There is anger on his face. Pure and unrivalled anger. I have never seen him this angry before. "Let go of Rob," I order and to my surprise, James lets go of Rob's robes and shoves him roughly back to the floor before standing up, dusting his own robes and coming over to me. He grabs my arm without a word and drags me from the claustrophobic tea shop where the stout woman who greeted us is gaping open mouthed at the wreck in the middle of all the tables.

~x~

Outside, the wind had picked up and is now bitingly cold against my skin. James says nothing as he drags me down the street. People give us odd looks as we pass and one woman even looks as if she might say something to James. He doesn't stop though. He just keeps walking.

"For Merlin's sake James, what is the matter with you?" I finally snap. At last, he stops marching and turns to face me. The anger is still shining from his faces and he studies the expression on mine. I think it is one of shock and confusion. Definitely confusion.

"What is the matter with me, Eloise? How about I just saw the only person in the whole world that I thought I could trust and that I knew, getting it on with one of my bet mates in Madam Puddifoot's!" he shouts. People are definitely starting to stare at us now so this time, I grab his arm and drag him into an almost deserted alleyway, scaring off a couple of Fourth Years who looked like they were on their first date.

"I was not 'getting it on' with Rob," I snap. "I was about to kiss him if that is what you mean but I was not 'getting it on' with him!" I seethe. What right does he have to judge me? "For Merlin's sake James! Why the hell did you punch him?"

"Because he was trying it on with you!" he shouted in return.

"So? We were on a date, James… It's what you do on dates."

"You told me you were going to lunch with Frankie!" he bellows in fury.

"How dumb are you James? Of course Frankie was going to spend the day with Callum! And Rob asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him and I figured: why not? He's a nice guy, he seems genuine… Why not give it a go?"

"Because- Because he's- He's-" he splutters.

"He's what James?"

"Merlin, I don't know! But Madam Puddifoot's? That's not you Eloise! The girl I thought you were would never set foot in the place! I just don't get it!"

"Yeah well there's a lot you don't know about me James!" I yell. "Like- Like-" Like I love you.

"Like what Eloise?"

"Never mind," I mutter, turning my head away. I cannot believe I almost told him. I have kept it a secret for so long and I almost just threw that all away. What was I thinking?

"No Lou, like what?" James persists, reaching a hand out to rest on my crossed arms. Merlin he is standing so close. "Please, tell me Lou… I'm confused and I feel like I don't know you anymore. Please tell me. You know you can trust me. We're best friends right?" Yeah. Best friends. That is the problem James. I do not want to be best friends with you anymore. I want to be more than that. I am a fool for ever thinking I could get over James Sirius Potter. I am just as bad as the rest of them: pining for the emotionally unattainable James Potter.

"It's nothing, really, I'm just worried about NEWTs," I lie. When did lying to James become so easy? I look up at him and smile slightly. I am not sure if he fully believes my lie but he accepts it anyway. "Come on, let's go back to the castle," I suggest, shivering slightly. James immediately hands me his cloak. Chivalrous Gryffindor.

~x~

The castle is still relatively quiet when James and I get back. I tell him I have to finish my Herbology essay but I will see him at dinner, before almost running to the Hufflepuff common room. I am still shaken from how close I came to telling James how I really felt and I cannot help but wonder where I would be now if I had let those three words slip out. I love you. Merlin I am pathetic.

It does not take long before the door to the dorm slams open and Alice storms in. When she sees me, her eyes narrow.

"What the fuck was that about?" she snapped. "Can't you just get that he is my boyfriend! You know the other day one of the Entwhistle twins from Ravenclaw grabbed my ass on the way to Transfiguration and James didn't even notice. Did. Not. Even. Notice. So when Rob goes in to kiss you, James goes all protective and punches the daylight out of him! I mean what the fuck? He's my boyfriend! He should be protective over me! Not over you – you're just his friend!" she shouts. "Look here Eloise. Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend. Stay the fuck away from James," she orders before marching back out and slamming the door behind her.

The second the door shuts, I burst into tears.

* * *

**Hello! Thanks for reading, hope you liked it. If you are interested in character appearances or want to ask questions, visit my blog (link on profile page). Thanks again ~ GirlOnTheSidelines**


	8. Family, Home and Making Up

**Chapter Eight – Family, Home and Making Up**

**_June 2022_**

The next few days pass in a confusion of tears (when I am alone), arguments (with James about why I am not talking to him) and confessions. The last one is perhaps the most frightening. Ever since I realised how I felt about James, I have never told a soul. So why on earth should I have to change that now? Why on earth should I have to confess out loud to another human being how I am in love with my best friend? Rob Watts is why.

"Eloise…" he sighs. "Just tell me the truth."

"The truth?" I ask, trying to stop my voice from squeaking. We are in the library 'studying' for NEWTs. I was happily lazing through my Charms textbook when Rob came in and dumped his bag at my feet before taking the seat across from me.

"The truth Eloise… And you know what I am talking about," he rolled his eyes as I shook my head. "What is going on between you and James Sirius Potter?" he asks when I make it clear I am not going to reply. His question causes my eyes to narrow and I return my gaze to my textbook.

"Nothing," I snapped. It was the truth. He asked for the truth.

"I don't care about labels or things being 'official' or any of that crap. I just want to know what you really feel for him," Rob sighs, waving away the superficial tags that dominate our modern society.

"What I feel for him is a different question to what is going on between us," I reply with a frown.

"Just answer it Eloise," Rob sighs again, running a hand through his hair in a way that reminds me painfully of my best friend. The best friend that I am in love with.

"I could never tell you how I feel for James…" I whisper and Rob is about to protest when I continue. "There aren't words to express what I feel for him," I shrug, looking away from Rob again. Rob doesn't say anything but watches me for a while until I finally lift my eyes to his.

"Do you love him?" he asks plainly.

"Yes," I reply with equal frankness. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be sorry about me," he waves his hands around and leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. "I'll get over it… But you? I don't think you will."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think you will ever get over James, will you?" Rob asks but I can see by the look on his face he has already made up his own mind. He is right of course. I could never get over James. Shaking my head slightly I bite my lower lip to stop the sudden rush of emotion that is threatening to pour from my eyes.

"Merlin, I love him Rob," I sob. It feels oddly liberating to say those words aloud to another human being. I never thought I would ever reveal my secret but at the end of the day, what use is a secret if you never share it with anyone? "I love him. I love him. I love him," I repeat, relishing the sound rolling off my lips. This must be some kind of masochistic form of relief.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Rob asks gently, placing a hand on my arm comfortingly. This guy should have been a Hufflepuff. Dammit Merlin, why couldn't I fall for someone like Rob Watts? Why did I have to go and fall in love with my insufferable and unattainable best friend?

"Nothing," I choke out.

"Why?" Rob frowns, puzzlement written across his face. I turn my watery eyes onto his.

"Alice," I shrug simply before sweeping my books into my bag and getting up to leave. It is all too easy to shut out the already dull pain in my chest. I am becoming accustomed to feeling numb these days, ever since Alice told me to stay away from James. Believe me, it is easier this way. It is impossible to turn your back on someone and see the hurt and confusion in their eyes when all your emotions are running amok inside you. It is much easier to just turn them off and walk away.

NEWTs come and go and before I know it, I am wandering down the corridor of the Hogwarts Express for the last time. Glancing into compartment after compartment, I try to find a vaguely empty one. Eventually, I find an almost empty compartment with a single girl facing the window. To my surprise, I realise it is Jena. My sister.

"Jen?" I murmur so as not to startle her. She turns around in surprise and I notice the tear tracks on her face. "Hey Jen, are you alright?" I ask, abandoning my trunk and going to sit beside her. Pushing her blonde hair from her face and wiping her freckled cheeks dry. "What happened?"

"Hey Lou," she mumbles as she presses herself against me. I wrap my arms around her automatically. "I'm sorry, it's just… Urgh, I don't even know where to begin," Jena sighs.

"How about you begin at the start?" I tease.

"I don't know when the start is Lou," she pulls away so I can see her frown. "I just know the end was about five minutes ago when Nate said he wanted to be single for the holidays and that he just didn't see us working out," she narrows her eyes in what I know is the face she uses to try and hide her pain by turning it to anger.

"Well then Nate is a complete moron," I exclaim. Nate Wood had been dating Jena since sometime in their second year, I've met him a couple of time and he seemed nice enough but even if Jena can get under my skin sometimes, anyone who hurts her, is immediately the 'enemy'.

Jena and I are interrupted by a gentle knocking on the open compartment door. I glance over my shoulder to see Rob standing there, looking a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he mutters awkwardly, his cheeks a little pink.

"Not at all," Jena interjects before I have a chance to reply. She wipes her face with the back of her yellow trimmed school robes and smiles at Rob. "Come in," she offers.

"Thank, I just wanted to check our Lou here wasn't doing anything daft like sitting alone somewhere," he teases, instantly more at ease.

"Shut up," I sneer, trying to supress my smile. "Why aren't you with your friends?" I ask.

"They're your friends too Eloise," Rob raises an eyebrow pointedly and I instantly feel a flash of guilt for how I have neglected my friends over the last month or so. "And I got bored and wondered where you were," he tags on, causing Jena to wiggle her eyebrows at me. "So are you going to introduce me to your little friend or do I have to keep guessing?"

"Oi!" Jena protests. "I am not little! I'll have you know I am taller than Eloise!"

"Really?" Rob smirks. I frown. Unfortunately, it is true. My fifteen year old sister is taller than me. How pathetic is that? "How taller are you?"

"One meter, seventy-eight," Jena grins proudly. "Whereas Eloise is only one meter, sixty-eight… I'm a whole ten centimetres taller than her already," Jena pokes her tongue out at me, much to Rob's amusement.

"Well I beat both of you," he grins. "I'm one meter, eighty."

"Only two centimetres taller than me?"

"So it appears, Miss Macmillan…"

"I don't believe you Mr… Crap, what is your name?" Jena blushes slightly.

"Watts, Rob Watts," he says pompously.

"Please tell you you're not doing a Bond on me," Jena rolls her eyes and Rob looks impressed. He will figure out soon enough that my slightly insane sister has a weird fascination with muggle films. "And I still don't believe you."

"Would you like me to prove it?"

"How?"

"Stand up," he grins. "Eloise, you will be the measurer," he instructs as they both stand up. Reluctantly I push myself off the bench with a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I thank Merlin for sending Rob here to distract Jena from her heartache. I'm starting to think there is something saintly about Robert Gregory Watts.

A slight cough at the still open compartment door alters me to the presence of a rather awkward looking Alice. Over the last few weeks our friendship has been, unsurprisingly, a little strained. While I have not be hostile to her, or even stopped talking to her, we have reduced to just polite conversation. Nothing like the friendship we used to have.

"Hey Eloise, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute," she mutters hesitantly. Rob looks up from his game of Exploding Snaps with my sister. His sees Alice and his eyes immediately flicker to mine, I cannot read the expression in them. I nod to Alice and she steps back from the doorway, indicating she wants to talk to me in private. I oblige reluctantly.

"Hello," I mutter stupidly as she slides the compartment door closed.

"Look Eloise, I'm sorry," she turns to face me and I can see genuine regret on her face. "I should never have said what I did after that Hogsmeade trip and I really hope you can forgive me. It really wasn't your fault and I never should have blamed you. I mean, it is so obvious that James likes you and I should never have tried to come between that. I've known him longer, yes, but you are his closest friend – closer than Rob even – and you have more of a right to him than I do. I just wished that for once things would go my way because I always seem to be the one who gets forgotten or cheated on or lied to… I just hoped that with James it would be different but he can't help that he is in love with someone else and I have no right to come between that.

"So I really hope you can forgive me because I miss your friendship Lou and these last few weeks have sucked, quite frankly. I've spoken to James, I told him that I couldn't be his girlfriend when his heart was otherwise occupied, I told him that he was one of my closest friends and that I hoped things wouldn't be too different between us because I like him Eloise. I really do. But it would never be enough to compare to how he feels about you. There was no point in competing so I've bowed out as gracefully as possibly considering… and I hope that even if you can't forgive me today, you might find it in you to forgive me one day. That's all I'm asking Eloise because, hell, let's face it – you're my best friend." Alice looks on the verge of tears. "Dammit Lou, I've missed you," she sobs.

I stand there, paralyzed. My mind cannot process what she has just told be. The words are just spinning around in my head, creating a whirlpool of confusion. I cannot comprehend what she has done.

And then Alice bursts into tears and I react with the instinctiveness that defines Hufflepuff House and wrap my arms around her, soothing her and letting her sob onto my shoulder. I do not know how long we stand there like that but we are eventually jolted apart as the train comes to a somewhat abrupt halt and I realise we have arrived at King's Cross.

"Alice, we're here," I mutter. She nods and wipes the tears from her face before straightening her robes. "And of course I forgive you, you are my best friend too you know," I fake a chuckle, pushing all her words to the back of my mind. "Look, let's get out of here before we are over run by students…" I quickly grab my trunk from the compartment as students begin to fill the corridor. Alice already has hers. Linking arms, we head towards the nearest door and step of the Hogwarts Express for the very last time.

"It's weird isn't it… the feeling that we are never going back," Alice sighs quietly and I just nod. "Thank you Lou," she whispers. I just smile as Jena and Rob climb off behind us and Alice waves goodbye, pulling me into a quick hug before disappearing into the already crowded platform.

Linking arms with both Jena and Rob, I force Alice's words from my head entirely. They would be dealt with another day. Right now, I needed to focus on getting through this crowd without tripping over some small unsuspecting child.

"Uh Lou… I'm not sure what Alice said to you… But I'm not actually coming home with you," Rob comments in amusement as I guide him towards the exit. "My parents are over there, looking a bit confused."

"Right, yeah, sorry," I mumble, quickly releasing my hold of his arm. "I'll see you soon. You should come round sometime."

"Okay… well see you Lou, Jena," he smiles at us both before disappearing into the crowd with a wave over his shoulder. Oops. Jena elbows me in the ribs and gives me her 'knowing' look.

"He seems rather nice, especially for a Gryffindor," she teases and I nudge her back. "Come on Lou, you'd tell me if there was anything going on between you two right? I mean you did invite him round..."

"Jena Macmillan, I can assure there is nothing between Rob Watts and myself. We are just friends. That is all we will ever be," I laugh back. It is good to laugh a little. I rarely do it these days.

"What is it with you and having hot male friends? I don't get how you can spend so much time with them and not fall helplessly in love with them. I mean first it's James, now it's Rob… Seriously girl, I think you have a problem!" Jena laughs but I turn my head away so she cannot see the expression on my face. If only I could tell her. If only I could tell her that I have fallen helplessly and hopelessly in love with one of them. Because as insightful as Jena can be, even she has not been able to read past the lie that adorns my face whenever James is around.

The kitchen in my home always smells of vanilla. I have no idea why, we hardly ever even use vanilla, and when I asked my mum, she either could not or would not tell me why. So to me, the smell of vanilla is the smell of home. This is the reason the first room of the house I always go to when I get back from school, is the kitchen. Straight into the kitchen and on with the kettle for a cup of tea.

Have you ever noticed that when something bad happens, someone will always offer you a cup of tea? Whenever you are miserable, you drink tea? Whenever there is a problem that needs solving, there is always a cup of tea involved somewhere along the road? I never understood why that was until today. Standing in the kitchen with a freshly brewed cup of tea in my hands, even in the middle of June, was the most comforting thing I have experienced since Alice first told me she was seeing James.

Of course, tea is a problem solving agent and therefore, I need a problem to solve. And that problem? Well, that problem is easy to identify but seemingly impossible to solve. You see, Alice's words from the train are still echoing around inside my head despite my attempts to banish them.

It is so obvious that James likes you… He can't help that he is in love with someone else… I couldn't be his girlfriend when his heart was otherwise occupied… I've bowed out as gracefully as possibly…

No matter which way around I play those words, I cannot escape the truth within them: Alice has ended whatever she had with James because she thinks he is in love with me.

Me.

Eloise Grace Macmillan.

His best friend.

Alice has lost her fucking mind.

"Eloise! I will not tolerate that sort of language in my house!" mum snaps suddenly from across the room where she is preparing dinner. Shit. Apparently I said that last bit allowed. "And why exactly do you think that Alice has lost her mind?" my mother narrows her eyes at me.

"Uh…"

"Eloise, you would tell me if something was the matter wouldn't you?" mum asks, the stern look vanishing from her face and being replaced by one of concern. "It doesn't matter what it is honey, you know you could tell me, right?"

"Yes mum, I know," I reply truthfully. Or at least half-truthfully. I could tell my mum absolutely anything… Anything except my feelings for James. Currently I am still adjusting to the fact that Rob (another, live, human being) knows my deepest secret. I cannot tell anyone else, at least not yet anyway.

"Good. I'll be here whenever you need me okay?" she smiles and I just nod, starring into my almost empty tea cup. "And we are having dinner The Grange tomorrow, okay?" she adds on, changing the subject. The Grange is my mum's dad's house and at the beginning of every summer, we have a big family meal there. Which means Alice will be there.

My mum's side of the family was the side I had considered the normal side. Apparently I was wrong. While my Grandmother, Jena Abbott, had been murdered during the war, my Grandfather, Jack Abbott Sr, was still lively as ever, dancing around with my mum, Gemma Macmillan, while my mum's older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Neville Longbottom (my Herbology Professor) were already slightly tipsy on the punch. Hannah and Neville are Alice's parents. Which means Alice is also around here somewhere.

"You look very deep in thought, Eloise," a voice murmurs as the woman so strikingly similar to my mum that had I not grown up with the two of them, I would not have been able to tell them apart, takes the seat beside me.

"Hey Jasmine," I smile at my mum's twin. "I'm just contemplating the quirks of our family," I half laugh. "Looks like Anthony has joined Hannah and Neville at the punch bowl," I snort as Jasmine's husband spills punch down the front of his robes.

"You're father isn't much better off," Jasmine laughs. "Poor Ernie never could hold his drink."

"How's Charlotte?" I ask.

"Enjoying married life apparently, I hardly see her anymore. Her and Will are already talking about having children. I mean it Lou, I am not ready to be a Grandmother just yet!" Jasmine exclaims, a look of false horror covering her pretty features. "How's your brother doing? Got a girlfriend yet? Surely a handsome boy like him isn't going to stay single for long?"

"I think Rob is seeing a girl in my year called Martha Finnigan but he hasn't given me the details yet."

"Oh and what do you think of Frank's new girlfriend, Dominique Weasley?"

"Unexpected but somehow they seem to fit well together," I shrug, watching as the said couple share a discreet kiss by the trees on the opposite side of the garden. "Did you hear that Jena and Nate broke up?"

"I did, bless her soul, I hope she isn't taking it to hard. Mind you, at that age, people seem to recover an awful lot quicker than us poor old things," Jasmine teases.

"I would hardly classify you as old, Jas," I reply. "Middle aged, perhaps, but not old."

"You're too nice to me Eloise," Jasmine chuckles but her laugh is cut off as another couple walk out of the door. "Oh look who it is, my darling brother and his little wifey," she practically snarls. It is a well-known fact that Jessica Watts (or Abbott, technically) and my mum and Jasmine do not get on in the slightest. They try to keep things cordial at family events but on more than one occasion, it is ended up with Jessica leaving in a huff and dragging her husband, Jack Jr, and her son, Jack Jr Jr, away with her.

"Try not to throw the punch bowl at her this year," I murmur beneath my breath and Jasmine shoots me a wicked look. Oh Merlin.

"But what about yourself, Lou," she changes the topic back to our gossiping conversation. "Anyone you've got your eye on that you need to tell old Auntie Jas about?"

"Nope," is my automatic reply.

"Oh look, it's Charlie and Lucy," Jasmine grins, beckoning to her son and his girlfriend, Lucy Weasley. Charlie ignores the summons and just waves at his mother before directing Lucy over to where my brother is trying to start the barbeque. Knowing my brother, it is probably all going to go up in flames. Which is most likely what Charlie is trying to prevent, he is a Ravenclaw afterall. "Cheeky sod."

"How's Lucy?" I ask, noticing the distant look in my cousin's eyes as he talks to his girlfriend.

"Lovely as ever. But I'm worried Lou, I mean they've been together for so long… What if he suddenly realises that she isn't what he needs? Or vice versa?"

"Charlie's a sensible kid, he'll be fine. You're lucky, you ended up with two Ravenclaws, they know how to take care of themselves. My mum ended up with three Hufflepuffs. We're all hopeless!"

"You're right. By the way, where's Alice? You two are normally glued to each other at these events," Jasmine enquires.

"I haven't seen her yet. Did you notice is she came in with Hannah and Neville?"

"No… How odd, I'll ask Hannah where she is. Enjoy your contemplations Eloise and keep an eye on that brother of yours."

The rest of the evening goes by without any major mishaps. Hannah says Alice is a home with a headache; Jasmine and mum manage to upset Jessica by rearranging her place settings and Rob sets fire to his napkin… So really, it was a pretty relaxed evening. Of course, while on the outside, I appear calm and collected, inside I am a mess. When you stripped everything of all the extra fluff, at the end of the day, James has been dumped and I am not there for him. For the first time. Ever.

Which somehow seems wrong.

So as Jena and I dump a slightly drunk Rob on the couch in our sitting room while my parents stumble upstairs to bed, I glance over at the fireplace and make a snap decision.

"Jen, I've got to sort something out, I won't be long but don't bother waiting up for me," I instruct my sister who yawns and nods, heading towards the stairs as I take a handful of floo powder and scatter it on the dying flames. "Pendragon Place, Godric's Hollow," I state into the now green flames before stepping in and allowing them to envelope me and transport me through the myriad of houses connected to the floo network.

"Shit! Lou! You scare the ghoulies out of me!" a female voice squeals as I step out onto the Potter's sitting room carpet. "What are you doing here at this time anyway?" Lily asks with a suspicious look on her face. "You're not like, planning to, you know… with my brother right?"

"For crying out loud Lily! I am not here to have sex with your brother! What the hell do you take me for?" I sigh exasperatedly, waving my hands around like a lunatic.

"Uh… Lou?" Fuck.

"James…" I turn away from Lily's bemused face to see James standing in the doorway, looking utterly confused. "Hi."

"Um, hey?" he frowns.

"Well I'll be going then…" Lily mutters into the awkward silence. "Just don't soil the couch, mum will go ballistic," she murmurs under her breath as she dodges James' pathetic attempt at a punch.

"So…" I begin.

"So….?" James repeats. We stand there in awkward silence for a few minutes, something that has never happened between us before. Ever. "Fuck Lou, I've missed you," he breathes at last and I am suddenly engulfed in a pair of familiar arms that make my heart spasm and at the same time, feel completely at home. "Can we make a deal never to not speak for so long again?"

"Of course James," I laugh into his hair. It is the first proper laugh I have let out in over a month. "Damn I've miss you," I whisper into his neck. He just continues to hold me close to him, one hand latched tightly around my waist and the other stroking my hair.

"I've been such a mess Lou…" he murmurs and I can feel his breathe tickle the skin on my neck. My heart quivers. "I don't know if Alice told you but we're not together any more. She said she couldn't be my girlfriend, not when my heart was otherwise occupied." My heart jumps into my mouth. Could Alice have been right? Was there even the smallest chance that James felt the same way about me as I did for him? "I didn't realise she could tell I was still in love with Vivian."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**** Hope you liked it and thanks for reading... Try not to hate me too much for that last bit! Check out my blog if you have questions or want to see pictures etc. ~ GirlOnTheSidelines**


	9. Shocks, Giggles and An Interesting Morni

**Chapter Nine – Shocks, Giggles and An Interesting Morning**

**_June 2022_**

Standing in the middle of the Potters' sitting room, James burrowing his face into my hair and trying to stop myself from cursing is not exactly how I planned to spend this evening. It is late; I'm not even sure why Lily was still up when I came over. Eventually, James lets go of me but instead brings his hand to my face to brush the stray strands of hair away from my eyes.

"Damn I miss you Lou," he murmurs and I cannot help but feel like he did not quite realise that he missed me at all. But he did, which is what matters. "I've been such a mess," he confesses quietly, looking down at his toes.

"James," I reach out to tilt his head up with an index finger under his chin. "I'm not going anywhere okay? Just talk to me," I smile and he nods but the look of sadness does not fade from his face. I am not the one he really needs. He takes my hand and pulls me through the familiar hallway of the Potter home and up the stairs to his bedroom. I have been in James' bedroom countless times but somehow, I still get a little spasm in my heart every time he lets me in. It is stupid really, I mean, it is just a room.

Taking a seat on his bed, I let him sort through his thoughts. Finally he sighs and comes to sit beside me, a vacant look in his eyes. I study his face as he contemplates how to being. There are suggestions of shadows beneath his brown eyes and despite the warmth of the sun during the day, his skin has a pale tinge to it. Guilt stabs at my heart once again: he needed me. He needed me and I was not there for him.

"Everything is such a mess Lou," he mumbles, staring at his bed sheets. "I haven't seen Al since we got off the train at King's Cross. I haven't heard from him; mum and dad know where he is but they refuse to tell me, saying Al needs space. I miss him Lou, he's my brother. Mum is the worse though, I think she wanted him to stay at home but he refused. I will never understand what goes through his mind sometimes…" James trails off. So Albus had moved out? I wonder where. I wonder if he is with Vivian. I suppose it is his stubborn Gryffindor pride that meant he refused to stay at home. I would bet my enter Gringotts vault that James would have done the same.

"Dad is trying to hold everyone together but it's wearing him out. He even suggested that I stay at home for a while longer but I can't Lou, I just can't. Not with the way everyone is now."

"Wait- You're moving out too?" I ask, breaking my decision not to interrupt him.

"Yeah," he gives a half smile. "I'm renting a flat in Diagon Alley. I need to have my own place Lou, I can't stay here forever and we're done with school… It's only tiny but at least it will mean I have to take care of myself," he smirks and I cannot help but smile at the idea of James looking after himself. He is such a mummy's boy.

"Wow, who would have thought. When are you moving out?"

"Two days. Fred's helping me move my stuff," he shrugs.

"Are you near the shop?" I ask.

"Yeah, just across the street actually, I'll have the lovely Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes sign to wake up to every morning," he chuckles briefly before the hopeless look returns to his face. "Why did she do it Lou? I know she thinks I'm in love with Vivian but…" My heart contorts again and I have to avert my eyes. That is not what Alice thought. She stupidly thought he was in love with me. How wrong she was.

"James I…" I start but I cannot finish. I could not possibly tell him the truth. I could not possibly tell him that Alice wanted to give me the chance to be with him. I could not cope with his reaction. I could not cope with the rejection. "I don't know," I lie.

"When did life get so complicated?" he frowns. "I remember a year ago, my biggest problem was getting over the crush I had on you."

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Breathe.

Fuck.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Fuck.

Why? Why James? Why would you say that? Why would you even think that? Why? Why? Why? Why? What possible reason could you have for telling me that? Would you like me to hyperventilate and die? Is that my punishment for going on a date with Rob? Why? Why, why, why?

"Lou…? Are you okay?" James waves a hand in front of my face. "Hello?"

"I'm- fine," I finally manage to choke out.

"You blanked out for a second there."

"Mmm," I nod, trying desperately to think of something to say. An excuse perhaps. "You had a crush on me?" I blurt out. Since when did my mouth decide it could say things without permission from my brain?

"Uh… yeah. I thought you knew that," he frowns but relaxes back onto his pillows, clearly satisfied I am not about to die from a heart attack.

"N-uh," is my articulate response.

"It doesn't matter anyway; I got over it when we went back to Hogwarts," he shrugs.

"You fancied me the whole summer?" I gasp.

"Relax Lou! And yeah but it's fine now, don't get so worked up. I swear you knew anyway…"

"Evidently not."

"It was just a crush Lou, it's not that important, it wasn't like I was in love with you or anything," he gives a humourless chuckle. "You're like my sister Eloise." Great. Just stab the knife right where it hurts why don't you Potter. "Hey, are you okay?" he suddenly looks worried and I realise I am still frozen and that there are tears forming in my eyes. "Lou, what's wrong?" he asks, coming over to my side of the bed and cupping my face in his warm hands. I refuse to meet his worried gaze and instead focus on blinking back the tears. "Jeez if I knew it would weird you out so much I would never have brought it up. Seriously though, I swear you knew. You were off with me for the majority of the summer, so I figured you must have guessed… Eloise, please don't cry," he begs, pulling me onto his lap and into his arms.

I cannot seem to stop the tears. They just start to fall and I cannot hold them back. Eventually I stop even trying. I was off with him last summer but that was because I thought he had fallen in love with someone else and I had to come to terms with the fact that he would never love me. I had no idea he actually fancied me.

James holds me close to his chest, stroking my hair and looking utterly perplexed as to how he had upset me like this. I just let all the tears fall onto his robes. How did we end up like this? I came here to comfort him and here he is, comforting me.

Somehow, James manoeuvres us so that we are lying down, his arms still wrapped protectively around me and a frown marking his forehead. When did frowning become such a common expression for my best friend? He never used to frown…

~x~

The place between dreams and reality is a strange place to be. You are never entirely sure whether you are awake or asleep; whether the things you are seeing and feeling are real or part of a dream… My bed is unusually warm, even for the summer and it feels somehow smaller. It smells different too. It's a comforting smell, the smell I associate with safety and with secrets. But not with my bed.

Rolling over, I become aware that there is something else in my bed. That must be what is making it feel smaller. Forcing open my bleary eyes, I try to focus on the object in question. It takes a few moments before I realise it is a face… A beautiful face with sunlight beams illuminating the dark eyelashes and picking out the sparse freckles on his nose. It's a he? Forcing myself to concentrate harder, I try to work out who the face belongs to.

At last, I realise it is James' face. Content that I am still dreaming, I allow myself to snuggle closer to him and he instinctively wraps his arm tighter around me, pulling me still closer, like proper dream-James would do. My fingers fasten themselves on the material of his shirt and I can feel the warm muscles beneath it. My foot nudges as his leg and he responds by rubbing his shin against my calf. His fingers disentangle from my hair to trace patterns on my back. I shiver in delight.

I can feel his breath on my face, the steady rhythm soothing and peaceful. With two fingers, he trails a line from the base of my skull right to the bottom of my spine and hand tightens on his shirt. He shifts onto his side so that I can snuggle even close to him, pressing the full length of my body against his. This is fast becoming the best dream I have ever had.

He drapes his entire leg over mine so that our legs alternate and his other arm comes over so that he can rest his hand on the exposed bit of skin just above my hip where my t-shirt has slipped up slightly. The coldness of his hand which must have been outside of the sheets on my warm skin forces a slight moan from my lips which I attempt to muffle in his chest.

Best. Dream. Ever.

As I shift my body even close to his so that every possible inch of me is touching him, I feel hardness digging into my lower waist. I smirk at the fact I have aroused my dreams-James. I move my hand down and slip it beneath the fabric of his shirt, feeling the Quidditch toned muscles rippling beneath my touch. The hand he had on my hip slipped around to the small of my back and he pulled me flush against him, trapping my hand beneath his shirt and forcing another gentle moan from me. He moans quietly in return.

The same hand moves from the small of my back up to my shoulder blades then down again slightly before slowly moving to the side. My heart races as he strokes the skin a little way below my armpit…

"What the fuck!" someone shouts and James rolls over so fast, with me in his arms, that we end up falling off the bed. Off of his bed. Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This was not a fucking dream.

I must have fallen asleep in James' bed.

"Seriously, I was kidding last night when I said Lou was here to screw you! I didn't think… Holy shit, mum is going to freak out!" Lily screams and runs from the room, letting the door bang shut behind her and allowing me to assess the magnitude of the situation that I now find myself in.

I am lying on the floor.

Actually no. I am lying on top of James who is lying on the floor.

We are tangled in bed sheets.

Our legs are interwoven and he is evidently still aroused.

My hand is still trapped between us, beneath his shirt.

His hand… Oh sweet Merlin.

We stare in horror at each other for what seems like eternity, neither daring to move.

And then it happens. I snort. Of all the noises I could make, my body decides to snort. How attractive. James looks confused for a moment before a smile creeps onto his face. A proper one.

Within seconds, we are both laughing hysterically, still entangled in the sheets. I collapse against him so that my face is pressed against his neck and he is laughing into my hair. My heart is still racing and I can feel his doing the same through the sparse material separating us. As we lie there, laughing, the door bangs open again.

"Oh my," comes the unmistakable sound of Mrs Potter. "Well it was bound to happen eventually I suppose," she comments with a slightly smug tone to her voice. I barely register her words as I gasp for air. Finally, James and I manage to control our laughter enough to lift our heads to look at the door where Mr Potter, Mrs Potter and Lily had congregated. The expression on their faces however, causes a fresh wave of giggles to overcome us. They wait patiently until we can control ourselves once more.

"Morning mum," James grins and Mrs Potter response with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile.

"Good morning James, good morning Eloise, how nice to see you," she smiles mischievously.

"Rose is going to love this when I tell her," Lily grins and then her eyes widen as she zooms in on us. "James is your hand on her-"

"Lily!" Mr and Mrs Potter shout simultaneously as both James and I burst into fresh giggles and immediately retract our hands from the other's chest. Reluctantly, I make a move to get up but James grabs me by the shirt and forces me to stay where I am.

"Right well we'll just leave you to it then, shall we," Mr Potter suggests, steering his daughter and wife from the room. "Breakfast will be in fifteen minutes if you're interested," he adds on before shutting the door on us.

I turn my face to James' to find him already staring up at me. I smile shyly. For several endless moments, we just stare at each other until finally I cannot take it anymore and let out another giggle. We collapse again and I roll off him, immediately missing the feel of pressed against me.

"Yeah, sorry for pulling you back down, I didn't think they needed to witness the extent of my morning glory," James smirks and I blush furiously. "It's times like this when I'm so glad you are not actually my sister because that would be so wrong," he teases and I throw a pillow at his head. "Right, I don't know about you but I'm going to have a shower before I go downstairs."

"You go first but make it quick," I shrug. He smirks slightly before disappearing into the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom. As the door clicks shut behind me I take a deep breath and force myself to calm down. My heart is still racing but thankfully my breathing is under control.

This is not the first time I have slept over at James and I know we have slept in the same bed a number of times when we were too lazy to set up the spare one without magic but I do not recall ever waking up in quite that fashion. It normally ended up with James squished against the wall and me spread across the bed, taking up all the room. We had never ended up so… close.

And now his family thinks we… well yeah.

Which we didn't.

I hear the shower switch off and a few moments later, James steps out with just a towel around his waist. It is nothing I have never seen before, in fact one summer James and Fred streaked across the Potter's garden so technically I have seen James completely naked. He grins at me and comes over to shake his wet hair in my direction.

"Nice James," I snort before getting off his bed and heading into the now steamy bathroom. I shower quickly, eager for Mr Potter's famous breakfasts. As I step out of the shower, I notice James' has scrawled something on the misted up mirror. _Lou smells… delicious_. I grin stupidly. It is something we started in our Second Year when I stayed over during the Easter Holidays. The first one in the shower would always write a note on the mirror. His was always 'Lou smells…' followed by something, usually disgusting, while mine was always 'James is a…' followed by something vaguely derogatory. 'Delicious' was a new one.

At the end of the day, he is and always will be, my best friend.

~x~

Breakfast is only mildly awkward; James got down first and must have cleared up the misunderstanding because Lily is still looking downtrodden and Mrs Potter keeps making the occasional titting noise as if she cannot quite fathom what is going through our heads. Which is rather amusing.

As usual, I have ended up in a pair of James' sweatpants and an old one of his Canon tops which he must have bought several sizes too large to begin with. My hair is dripping wet and splayed across my back as I dug into Mr Potter's delicious eggs, bacon, toast and beans.

"So what are you two up to today then?" Mr Potter asks casually.

"I'm gonna show Lou my flat," James mumbles around a large portion of food.

"James Sirius Potter! What have I told you about talking with your mouth full?" Mrs Potter demands.

"Technically it is only half full," James smirks, earning himself a slap on the head. I giggle and he glares at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Mr Potter smiling down at his plate. But only briefly. I suddenly remember the glaringly obvious absence of Albus.

Pretending to focus on my food, I study the occupants at the table. Lily is thin, thinner than she used to be and the shadows under her eyes suggest a lack of sleep. Mr Potter looks strained and tired but partly content to have the majority of his family with him, even if the sadness in his eyes gives away the pain he feels of having Albus not living with him. I wonder if he has seen Albus at all recently.

Mrs Potter, as James said, is the worst. The taught lines on her face betray her constant worry and the stress the whole situation has put on the family. I can only imagine their reaction when they first discovered Albus was married and expecting. Not the usual celebrations of joy I suspect.

"Damn it," Mrs Potter mutters suddenly, standing up to look out of the kitchen window. "Those bloody gnomes are back! James, Lily, get your shoes on and get rid of them," she orders and James and Lily jump to their feet, clearly afraid of their mother's wrath should they even attempt to argue. I stick my tongue out at James as he heads out the door. He narrows his eyes at me.

"James! What are you doing!" Mrs Potter screeches a few moments later and I catch James chasing after Lily with an angry looking gnome in his hands. Mrs Potter runs outside and starts shouting at her son.

"Idiot," Mr Potter smiles affectionately. "What did he expect?"

"Well he isn't exactly reputed for his brain cells," I snort, standing up to help clear the table.

"I'm glad you are here Eloise," Mr Potter turns to smile at me. "James seems to have taken the whole situation the worse. Ginny and I have been worried sick about him and about Al. I haven't seen him smile since he got back from Hogwarts. You've done wonders," he grins as a blush creeps into my cheeks.

"I'm a Hufflepuff, we have to be useful for something," I joke.

"Be that as it may…" Mr Potter laughs. "Thank you."

"No problem," I smile back.

"Eloise! Save me! Mum's trying to kill me!" James screeches as he comes running back in the door and uses me as a human shield from his mother.

* * *

**Hello! So, so sorry about the wait! Please let me know your thoughts in a tiny little review, thank you so much. GirlOnTheSidelines xx**


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